#1
Aha, here I am again, posting yet another song that's been posted before...months ago. This one here still doesn't have a title, or lyrics, but I'm thinking of just writing some random set of lyrics for this song to call it good.

ANYWHOO....It's pretty melodic, especially with the harmonies in the intro and throughout the song. Last time I posted this it had a really crappy solo and an even worse breakdown playing behind it as the rhythm. I ripped BOTH parts out and completely re-did them, and I, personally, think they're fantastic. My only issue is...the bridge.

I want to keep it, but I can't find a good transition, other than the one I have now. Any suggestions???

C4C as always. Thanks
Attachments:
Untitled [gp4, gp5, midi].zip
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#2
The Pre-Verse is an awesome little jam! You might want to revise the chorus,and the first and last bar of the solo... those seem pretty impossible, maybe not the chorus, but definately the first bar of the solo.... unless you have 5643 fingers on your fretting hand... other than that, i liked it a lot! the ending was cool with the dive

if you can, can you crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=17218396#post17218396
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
#3
the first and last bar of the solo...p=17218396#post17218396

First bar... yeah, I was kinda curious as to people's responses. I'll just take out the triplets, that'll fix it up. And the last bar of the solo is just random notes played down the e-string. Just trem picking and moving your fingers back and forth as you slide down the neck. Kinda like what Kirk Hammett does at the end of his solo in "The Day That Never Comes." (aka, where I got the random run idea).

I'm glad you liked it though! The chorus...when I wrote it, I didn't really give much attention to the ability to play it, but looking at it more recently, it does look difficult. I like the way it sounds though, so I'm hesitant to change it... but I probably will.

Thanks again, and I'll take a look at yours asap. --SP
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#4
On the whole, this was a fairly average metalcore song. The intro was way too dissonant, and the same can be said for all of the harmonies throughout the song. The chorus lacked the "chorus feel". If it wasn't labeled as the chorus I doubt I would have thought of it as such. The breakdown and bridge are alright, although again, they were kind of generic.

Nothing really stood out, the solo was alright but really lacked any feel or direction.

Sorry if this came across as pretty harsh.
#5
Quote by Broadsword
Sorry if this came across as pretty harsh.


Hehe, it did, but no problems

This song's one of my first, which explains the simplicity/genericness of the lot of it. Sorry ya couldn't like it more, but thanks for the comment.
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#6
ah yea random run down e string!
Unless your going for a dissonant sound in the intro the harmonies could be much better and like you said, the bridge is pretty bad.
I'm not a big fan of those cliche breakdowns but I dunno some people like them.
The solo could be much more melodic insead of just fast random scale notes. Maybe try some arpeggios, which don't have to be sweep picked. You can create some pretty interesting 2 note per string licks with the notes from an arpeggio and the relative minor. (take a major chord, make it minor and move it down 1 and a half steps.)
On the whole, not bad but a pretty generic metalcore song.
Love the pre verse.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1002979
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=996634
#7
hey, thanks for the suggestions kevin! I think I'm going to address the harmonies in the intro right away, then get to the solo. I noticed myself that the breakdown was a bit cliche, but I think it works so it's not too big a deal, but the bridge....I might just cut straight to the breakdown like I used to... Thanks again! I'll take a look at both of those songs for ya
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