#1
The treetops ablaze with lights of fire
A chill washes through the air
And all the leaves will fall and rot
And all the warmth will hide away

[Chorus]
As the song of Autumn is sung,
By the dying land
As the song of Autumn rings
In the raging winds

The nights get darker
The nights get darker sooner…
The wind is whipping
The wind is whipping fiercer…

[Chorus]

And the song of Autumn is swallowed
By the silence of winter’s snow…


I haven't written lyrics in a while, but I very much want to get back to it. I'm thinking this will go with some folky music. Definitely.

I think it's pretty obvious what this is about.

Crit for Crit, homez.
Quote by Mike Birbiglia
I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, "We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!


Do you folks like folk?
Last edited by BringMeTheCalm at Nov 17, 2008,
#2
Quote by BringMeTheCalm

The treetops ablaze with lights of fire
A chill washes through the air
And all the leaves will fall and rot
And all the warmth will hide away
On first read, the first 'And' was a bit jolty.

[Chorus]
As the song of Autumn is sung,
By the dying land
As the song of Autumn rings
In the raging winds
The last line doesn't fit very well in my mind no matter how I break the rhythm up. I think the flow is broken by the one less syllable than the first line.

The nights get darker
The nights get darker sooner…
The wind is whipping
The wind is whipping fiercer…
Not so sure about the tense change in the last two lines

[Chorus]

And the song of Autumn is swallowed
By the silence of winter’s snow…
A fitting ending




Besides that, cool song. I could definitely see this as a melancholic folk tune.
#3
Quote by BringMeTheCalm
The treetops ablaze with lights of fire
A chill washes through the air
And all the leaves will fall and rot
And all the warmth will hide away
I think that this part works better without the "And" at the beginning of the last two lines.

[Chorus]
As the song of Autumn is sung,
By the dying land
As the song of Autumn rings
In the raging winds
At first read, this doesn't seem to flow very well, however after I sung through in my head it worked better. I think that the first line might work better if "Autumn is" was changed to "Autumn's".

The nights get darker
The nights get darker sooner…
The wind is whipping
The wind is whipping fiercer…
I'm not sure about the repetition, it works somewhat, but seems quite clumsy to me. Perhaps keeping the same sort of idea, but changing the words, perhaps like "The nights get darker; The sun is setting sooner".

[Chorus]

And the song of Autumn is swallowed
By the silence of winter’s snow…
Brilliant ending. Finishes the song up amazingly.

I haven't written lyrics in a while, but I very much want to get back to it. I'm thinking this will go with some folky music. Definitely.
when I was sorta singing it through in my head, I imagined it to an acousticy agalloch kinda thing.

I think it's pretty obvious what this is about.

Crit for Crit, homez.


A nice piece overall, just those few issues with the flow.
Ka pu te ruha ka hao te rangatahi.