c4c as always

find a cozy spot inside my chest to stretch and yawn in
as long as this burns for you alone, ill keep you warm
like the whiskey-heat on your face or the glow of fireworks
i can count every passing headlight on the highway
each has its allure, the fingers of the corona growing on my windshield
theyre welcomed to a brief abode, and a distant space in my memory
teeth peaking gleefully out of lips beside me
looking into the storm and guiding me to route where-ever

ill shoulder the burden of your head
if you can stomach my heart's beating
A shame that no one has commented on this. I really liked that imagery. I'm a big fan of drving descriptions, there's just something about it that feels so real. The clsoing couplet was really sweet as well. There were a few things that I wasn't sure about. Second line, for some reason the "for you alone" trips me up when I'm trying to read it. (Maybe I just don't know how to read). Also I feel that the "theyre welcome to a brief abode...." line was a bit unnecessary. I don't know, it just feels like you're going a bit off tangent. And I like the idea behind the phrase "route where-ever", it just sounds kind of awkward. Anyways, nice job, man.

Crit mine please
The Devil Inquired
Very well done. I really like it. Its to the point but people can still interpret it how they like. Really lovely imagery, made me feel all cozy inside =) Nothin to crit!
C4C? see sig.
Quote by thedefrockednun

DAMN YOU I SIGGED HER FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I demand, in the name of the rt, that you change your sig...


Quote by rigiddigits
RT meet!! Of epic global proportions!!!*
*world may asplode due to unprecedented levels of awesome.
I liked the ending. Fireworks and counting headlights was good... other then that not a whole lot jumped out. Although I like the detail of whiskey.

the fingers of the corona growing on my windshield

i mean, what? i think you can condense some of this stuff.

theyre welcomed to a brief abode, and a distant space in my memory

also this... brief abode? I think your word choice lacks immediacy, importance. Its kind of vague but its trying to be specific. Hard to explain.

Sorry this is kind of a lame crit.
hope i helped at least on a superficial level
what comes up comes out
"whiskey heat on your face or the glow of fireworks."

I really like that, its like taking a common sensation and using it to explain an emotion. We all no the warmth of fireworks, and the cosy warm sensation that whiskey gives you, and because we no that sensation, it makes it easier to feel the emotion your comparing it too.
it puts you in the frame of mind you want us in.