#1
Any crits would be greatly appreciated, this is a song I wrote about someone I really care for. It's her birthday soon, and I want to top everything off with this. But I want it to be pretty impressive. Thanks, in advance.


Materialistic beings, and people you can't please
but I can't really blame them,
They'll never be able to see
but thats alright

I'm pretty sure that everything will be ok,
but then again, I know how things like to change.
For the better, or for the worse.
It all gets hard to remember, kind of like this verse.

The moral of the story, is to never let go
but I don't have to tell you, because you already know
I know you do, I know you do,
because you're the one who showed me to.

And even in the moonlight, people like to lie
I think if I ever had to lie, it'd be right by you.
And then you could really see the truth,
and it only has to be true, if you want it to.

I can only imagine this,
but I won't preach
I just know this love is unconditional,
unlike any other kind

and I really don't care who sees,
because I can't remember
the last time I was afraid to be me
and thats alright

The moral of the story, is to never let go
but I don't have to tell you, because you already know
I know you do, I know you do,
because you're the one who showed me to.

I'm kind of scared
to put myself out there
sort of like this,
but it the end, it's worth it.

The advice is great,
It's just good to know someone cares
Grateful, doesn't describe what I am.
Cliché, but God has answered my prayers.

Today is the day
You've got your whole life ahead of you
I think it's time to get away.
maybe just time for a change.

...And that's alright.
#2
I once wrote a poem for someone's b-day. At any rate, onto the crit:

Materialistic beings, and people you can't please
but I can't really blame them,
They'll never be able to see
but thats alright

I like Materialistic beings, but it seems out of content since u never really touch upon materialism in the rest of the song. Also this stanza just seems too passive with the use of "I can't really blame them" and "but thats alright"

I'm pretty sure that everything [ will B]stay ok,
but then again, I know how things like to change.
For the better, or for the worse.
It all gets hard to remember, kind of like this verse.

"Kind of like this verse" is a cute little phrase, but I think you could do better than that. (After all this verse isn't that hard to remember since its hort and has a good rhythm). Also I think "stay" makes a bit more sense.

The moral of the story, is to never let go
but I don't have to tell you, because you already know
I know you do, I know you do,
because you're the one who wrote it for me.

I really liked this part. It was very sweet. However I would consider the change I made to last line. I think it helps tie in the "story" part better

And even in the moonlight, people like to lie
I think if I ever had to lie, it'd be right by you.
And then you could really see the truth,
and it only has to be true, if you want it to.

"I think if i ever" has to go. Just replace that little phrase with something like"when". A phrase that is more talking in absolutes and not in hypotheticals. Also I like the sentiment behind the last line, I just think it needs to be reworded. Maybe something like "but its only real if you believe in it"

I can only imagine this,
but I won't preach
I just know this love is unconditional,
unlike any other kind

Last line just seems kind of unnecessary and a bit out of tone. "Unlike any other kind" line just seems kind of stuck-up. Also the first line doesn't connect well to the next one with me. Maybe something along the lines of "I wish I could shout it from the highest moutains, but i won't preach". (Perhaps a bit cliche, but whatever)


and I really don't care who sees,
because I can't remember
the last time I was afraid to be me
and thats alright

Not sure about this stanza. It just sounds sloppy to me.

The moral of the story, is to never let go
but I don't have to tell you, because you already know
I know you do, I know you do,
because you're the one who showed me to.

I'm kind of scared
to put myself out there
sort of like this,
but it the end, it's worth it.

I j feel that this would make a great closing stanza, especially if you're singing it to the person. Also "sort of like this" is kind of redundant.

The advice is great,
It's just good to know someone cares
Grateful, doesn't describe what I am.
Cliché, but God has answered my prayers.

First line doesn't fit too well, (what advice? I'm kinda lost). Last line is awesome

Today is the day
You've got your whole life ahead of you
I think it's time to get away.
maybe just time for a change.

Here I would really like to see a line that connects better with the "I think it's time..." line as opposed to the "you've got your whole..." life line.

...And that's alright.

Anyways, thank you for the crit, I hope my crit helps you out.