#1
a short non rhyming poem about idiots, doesn't follow any kind of pattern its just some thoughts chucked together really


when millions in africa die from starvation
and millions in america die from eating too much
no one can figure out a solution to this crisis

then a kid in New Zealand smokes a joint
"what a waste of a life"...

idiots
Last edited by nick_kcin at Nov 20, 2008,
#2
Uh... 'k. A kid in new Zealand smoking a joint is a waste of a life?

I think it's too short, too literal, nothing particularly clever about it, I obviously don't like those two lines about a kid smoking a joint, you're not exactly the first to point out that people are starving in Africa and fat in America, and finally the third line sounds like it was just an attempt to put the word "crisis" into it somehow.

So I don't really like it, sorry.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#3
Quote by whalepudding
Uh... 'k. A kid in new Zealand smoking a joint is a waste of a life?

I think it's too short, too literal, nothing particularly clever about it, I obviously don't like those two lines about a kid smoking a joint, you're not exactly the first to point out that people are starving in Africa and fat in America, and finally the third line sounds like it was just an attempt to put the word "crisis" into it somehow.

So I don't really like it, sorry.



I'd say that's a pretty fair analysis. Sorry.
Quote by SlackerBabbath
Brilliant...
#4
Uh... 'k. A kid in new Zealand smoking a joint is a waste of a life?

you ****ing excelled at missing the point there
#5
Quote by nick_kcin
you ****ing excelled at missing the point there

Maybe I did. Tell me the point then.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#6
the point is that people (ie fat americans) will throw up their hands and say "its terrible but theres nothing we can do", which is of course a complete waste of lives because theres ****ing plenty they could do, starting by taking the hamburger away from their fat lips, but as soon as I spark that joint I'm just a stupid ignorant kid and I'm wasting my life etc etc.

perhaps wasn't clear enough, I'll do a wee edit
#7
Quote by nick_kcin
the point is that people (ie fat americans) will throw up their hands and say "its terrible but theres nothing we can do", which is of course a complete waste of lives because theres ****ing plenty they could do, starting by taking the hamburger away from their fat lips, but as soon as I spark that joint I'm just a stupid ignorant kid and I'm wasting my life etc etc.

perhaps wasn't clear enough, I'll do a wee edit


I think the problem is that it's too clear. Sorry, it's just a bit too obvious for me.
Quote by SlackerBabbath
Brilliant...
#8
Fair enough, that is better than what I thought it was. It does kind of make a good point at least, but I still think it's not put particularly well and isn't very interesting to read.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#9
I only wrote it to make that point anyway so I'll accept that criticism. I don't bother trying to make it too drawn out and metaphorical and so forth because I'd like poeple to understand what I'm saying, not maybe understand what they think I might be saying but its open to interperetation anyway, you know?

funny thing being that you didn't even understand what I was saying until I explained it. FAIL!

but at least I'm not sitting at my computer wanking over how much of an arteest I am because I wrote some nonsensical **** like
"the shades of love in her eyes were darkened
darkened by a black fire burning inside her heart
so hot it would consume all around if t'were unrestrained
yet cold enough to freeze her soul from the emotions she longed for
but could not bear to live with
fin"

because that would be a load of ****