#1
Dear Wife that I am yet to find,
Hello, my name is Will. But if your marrying me I am hoping you already know that, because I never wanted to have one of those Vegas honeymoons.
I recently gave up drinking and smoking. And I don't really know why. I am not a virgin, I didn't save myself for you, so out of guilt and shame I'm hoping you did the same.
I will probably screw up somewhere along the lines of our marriage, not neccessarily cheat on you, but I will probably lie to you; thats just judging off of my past experiences. I'm just warning you now, so it doesn't devestate you when it happens. If you happen to have blonde hair and green eyes, with a walk that could slay a dragon, a glare that could stop the sun, a smile that shatters glass, breasts that bounce like gazelles, a soul made of steel, and a heart made of fools gold, then all the better for me and my foolish pride.
If you haven't discovered by now I'm really proud, proud of you, or I wouldn't be taking your hand, proud of myself for making it this far, but most of all I am just prideful. Its true, and its hard to hide, so I stopped trying. Wisdom is what I seek, but failure is what I find, which in itself is a form of wisdom, a knowledge of what I've done, what went wrong, but not neccesarily a knowing of what is right.
Your beautiful.
I already know this.
I am not, if I'm not good enough for you, please tell me how I can be. If I can't satisfy you sexually then please teach me. If somewhere along the lines you realize what a broken condom I truly am, then don't worry about hurting me when you go, I deserve it. I don't deserve you, and we all get what we deserve, be it in life or death. I'm guessing my judgement will come in death, because this life has been far to good to me so far.
Your wonderful.
I already know this.
I can be. But my greatest gift is persistence. So let me learn from you, because I cannot learn from myself.
Your vulnerable.
I already know this.
Vulnerable like a woman should be. I will be there for you. I will not let you fall, even if I caused the tumble. I am a good actor. If after a hard day at work you had an atrocious day, while mine was far worse, I will put my problems aside for you. If I don't then I really don't deserve you.
I am so grateful I have found someone who can put up with me. I am so thankful, I thank a God I'm not sure of, and I thank you.
Goodbye my lover,
Will
Last edited by bluesybilly at Nov 21, 2008,
#2
You're?

This was nice. Something that will get a girl to put out down the road; but not really earth shaking or anything. Good sustained tone, a few good lines "condom" springs to mind. A lot of it felt rambling though. Good ideas; and I never got bored, but you could cut this down in some ways and make it much more pleasant to read.

still, good read.

Dylan in sig if you have a chance.
#3
This was a nice change. I really like this kind of honest confession-type work. I never got bored reading htis, nor did it seem to ramble. I might come back later and do a more detailed crit
#4
I'm guessing the 'your' is part of the character's flaws, and probably represents something deeper which I can't really be bothered looking for right now.
This was interesting. Original. Not entirely moving or revolutionary or mind-blowing, but I don't think that was the point.
Nice work.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#5
What I loved was the honesty. The fact that you're not trying to hide something or make it look better than it is.
Particulary I loved this phrase: "Wisdom is what I seek, but failure is what I find"
But also the rest of it read well and never got boring to me. I like it.

Could you just have a look at my: For Stefanie
Last edited by xghost88 at Nov 21, 2008,
#6
Part of me says meh, part of me horribly enjoys this.

S'all I got.

Hope you're well.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching