#1
Hey Guys,

Would like to know what you think of my first real completed song...

I Would love some feedback...

Remember Crit4Crit

All Came Down On Top Of Me

I had to submit a song for my Song Writing course, It's my first song I have had some decent lyrics for, first song I really tried singing on. Its a story about a man who has had too much to drink the night before and when he wakes up he realises that he has slept with another man.

Here are the lyrics:

Verse 1

What the hell am I doing here?
Waking up in a pink gown,
No sense of direction,
10 pints down.

Verse 2
Who's house is this?
I can't recal a face
A man walks in with a cheeky grin
And says, next time
We're going to your place.

Chorus

And I see it now
clear as day
When it all came down
On top of me

Remembering
Parts from hours ago
Something like
Please take me slow

Verse 3

To go back in time
I would give my soul
To prevent myself
From entering that hole

Chorus

And I see it now
clear as day
When it all came down
On top of me

Remembering
Parts from hours ago
Something like
Please take me slow

mid8

Called my friends the next day
Was she good? They'd all say.

I thought the best way
was to say I had to pay

They didn't know it was a he
They would never come to see

That the man was actually
quite femanine,
you'd have to agree.

Chorus

And I see it now
clear as day
When it all came down
On top of me

Remembering
Parts from hours ago
Something like
Please take me slow

Hope you enjoyed it!
#3
hey man, i really like it.

the vocals are nice, although the only thing i coudl suggest would be to make the vocals alittle less present and allow for the instruments to be heard alittle more clearly. It could be my ****ty laptop speakers but they were incredibly hard to hear.

the song also needs alittle more momentum. it keeps a nice steady beat but it never really hits like a high intensity climax, but maybe that the mood you were going for. if so haha, then nevermind
Traynor YCS-50>EHX SMM w/ Hazarai>EHX DMM>EHX Holy Grail>EHX Small Stone>EHX Big Muff PI (NY)>EHX Pulsar>Ibanez TS-9DX>Echo Park>Ibanez Vintage Tubeking>Fulltone OCD>Zvex Fuzz Factory> Roto-Machine>Fulltone Wah>MJM London Fuzz>Fender Strat
#4
HAHA! this is a pretty funny song as well as quite scary imo. Everything is mixed well and the production quality is great btw. Was it recorded in the studio? Love the vocals and the chorus is really catchy. Great work.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1004588
"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life.Get wasted all the time, and you'll have the time of your life!" ~ Billy Connolly
#5
Lyrics are uhhh... unique... The main riff is cool, but it can't carry the whole song. It seems like the song structure is Main riff bridge main riff. There are no changes in the dynamics, it doesn't get louder or softer or builds up. You got a unique good voice, but it needs a bit of work, mostly in the dynamics section. Since this is your first time singing in a recording I'm guessing you don't have much practice(much like myself heh...), but it will come in time.
#6
I liked it, very mellow and catchy
Quote by Ed Hunter
The only time I'd want to touch a 500 degrees frying pan is to set my hand on fire and punch someone in the face.



Quote by Captain Insano
Soulja boy! They stole his gold.
Robbed his Jacket now he's cold!

YOU! Steal from Soulja boy.

*sings over crank that*