#1
Alright, I wrote a poem in Civics, set it to music, but now I need a title. Here's the poem. Feel free to critique.

What would give up for me
Would it be something I would not believe
What would you let me see
Would it be something I would not believe

when you're falling from the sky
After you got much to high
No time to say goodbye
Only to die

You can't look behind you
Because you past will define you
And Life has never been kind to you
Only one thing left to do today

Redeem me
Please
(something something, I don't have the lyrics in front of me)
Please
Stop my recurring dream
To succeed
My greed

Swept up
In my own storm of hate
Swept up
I know I will be late
Let me Go
So I can procrastinate
Don't even
Try to relate

Nothing like you will ever see
You don't know what to do with me

Does it follow me
Or do I carry it around
is it suicide
To cause your own breakdown
Comfort me
But don't make a sound
Only my own way
Nothing else is allowed

Self-concious about the
Thoughts I keep alone
Try to control
All the things I've never known

To need
But not to want
Meaningless words
In a fancy font
To want
But not to need
Cut down on my greed

When you're talking to yourself
And nobodie's home
You can fool himself
You came in this world alone
And you'll leave it alone
The only person you've ever known
Is me
And I've decided to flee
And leave you alone


The song/poem basically says, "yea, I screwed up. Piss off, pussy"

Title it!
#3
Quote by Cyclones41
Read the rules of this forum, the title is in violation of them.

*reported*

Ok
I won't read them, but oK
EDIT: and I did ask for crits too, I posted the song, titling it is part of the crit. I should have named the thread "Untitled"
Last edited by Bryon Shea at Nov 21, 2008,
#5
Here are my ideas

"Me"
"Meaningless"

"What I've Done" would be a good title if Linkin Park didn't use it already.
Quote by user_nameless
You can go ahead and sponge my bob.

/notfunnyatalljoke.


Quote by halo43
When you date a vegetarian, you're the only meat they'll ever eat.
#6
"It affects us both"
"My reoccurring dream"
Quote by Victor Wooten
Frontbassman, You Win!
Also, Sig this or die!


^Yea you read right, Victor Wooten just gave me a complement.

Quote by kevin14u2nv

dude, in flames sucks.
all their music sounds the same




^ he listens to dragonforce