#1
Faces lurch at me from out of the darkness
I close my eyes but still see
Try to escape the cold truth that surrounds them
That the faces are coming for me
And they stay one step right behind,
In the darkness of truth in my mind

Spiders are crawling around in my veins
If they reach my heart it will stop
But i have some poison that I know will fix them
And cause all their crawling to drop
And they stay one step right behind,
In the darkness of truth in my mind

Epic proportions and misguided measures
Are causing the scales to tip
Creatures with ghastly grotesque radiation
Are causing my hold to slip
And they stay one step right behind,
In the darkness of truth in my mind

I drop the white men into their see through cell
They're laughing as they meet the flame
Then they're transformed into backhanded healers
Killing while easing the pain
And they stay one step right behind,
In the darkness of truth in my mind
#2
This isn't bad, but I'm sorry to report it's riddled with cliches. You had a good idea going but a little more thought would have served it well. I liked the recurring line that united the piece, and a couple of the rhymes were done well ("I close my eyes but still see... the faces are coming for me").

One more thing: perhaps trade 'see-through' for 'transparent'?

Pretty good
#3
Thanks for the input. The reason I went with the basic "see through" instead of something else was timing. I have music for this and it fits the space. Thanks again though, its nice to have someone actually criticize my songs cause none of my family or friends really do cause they don't want to hurt my feelings but good writing NEEDS revision and criticism.