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#1
Yesterday I called up my friend Christina at 1am to wish her happy birthday, and we talked for a bit. But early into the conversation she mentioned something that just threw me into shock. Someone we knew, someone who I looked up to, had committed suicide.

I really couldn't believe it when Christina told me. All I thought was, "No, you must be mistaken. Are you sure it wasn't anyone else?". I figured that there are millions of people name Brian, so perhaps it was someone else. But no, she assured me, it was him.

I had met Brian on a week-long trip with my youth group the summer before 7th grade. He was a few years older than me, somewhere in high school. Now I don't want any religious debate, but to me he was a model Christian who had a great relationship with God. Many people say that religion is for those who are too weak to get through life on their own, but I disagree. Brian was athletic; the captain of the hockey team; he was good looking (I'm not gay but I can tell if a guy looks good or not), and he was an excellent student. He didn't really have any real problems, but he depended on God anyway, and I looked up to him because of that.

The next year he volunteered with youth group and was in the small group for the 7th grade guys. He made a point to be friends with everyone in the small group and got to know most everyone on a personal level.

In the spring of my sophomore in high school I ran into Brian once. He was at my school to pick up his younger sister, who was a freshman. I noticed he had changed a lot: He had once been in good shape, but now he was skinny as hell and his head was shaven, exposing a scar running along the side of his head. We sat and talked, and he told me that he had cancer and lost a ton of weight due to chemo and the scar on his head was from removing a tumor in his brain. But he was as happy as always, still smiling and loving life.

He got to talking to me, told me about how much he trusted God and was willing to live life as it came. He had already accepted death and was going to embrace it when it came. He also said something that really stuck, though. He said "You can tell when someone looks like they're lost in life or feeling unloved just by looking in their eyes." I was actually dealing with depression when we were talking, and I feel he might have been pointing something out to me, though I lied through my teeth to avoid talking about what I was going through simply because it was so much less than what he had. But he definitely gave me hope, which is why I haven't forgotten that conversation we had.

The crazy thing is, that was the last time he and I talked. Since then I had lost faith in God and don't really know what to believe in as far as Heaven and Hell, but I can't help but wonder where he is now. If there is a God and Heaven, would he still accept Brian into Heaven? I believed in and studied the Bible up til the beginning of my senior year of high school and don't think suicide victims go to Heaven, though I feel so strongly that Brian deserves it. Catholics believe in Purgatory, and as much as I want there to be some way for Brian to be in Heaven I still don't believe in Purgatory as a Christian belief.

I also can't stop thinking about all of the people who loved him. I know I wasn't the only one who looked up to him, but there were so many who cared about him. He had so many friends and family, and if I remember right he was engaged to wed, though I don't know if that engagement was broken or if he did marry or if he was still engaged when he died. But even if there is no Heaven or Hell, I have a hard time accepting that he would give up and leave so many to grieve. He was such an inspiration, I don't know how I can expect to pull through if he was so strong just to give up.


TL;DR

A guy who I looked up to committed suicide and now I'm questioning my own strength and beliefs.

And now I come to you, The Pit. What are your experiences or opinions regarding suicide? I've gone through every afterlife-possibility in my head, so I won't be offended if anyone says that he's suffering in Hell or simply rotting in the ground. I just wanna know what you think.

PS: Please, no religious debate.

EDIT: After talking to friends I found that Brian probably left a suicide note as I was told he had lost all hope due to cancer, which was some form of lymphoma. And after reading an obituary I found that he did marry last June, and here's a link to the obituary posted on the funeral home's website http://www.mohnkefuneralhome.com/2008/11/21/brian-charles-tomczyk
Last edited by dudius at Nov 23, 2008,
#3
Suicide is bad.
But I wouldn't say someone who killed himself is an idiot.
It's much more complex than that.
and Religion has nothing to do with the above opinions.
funkyducky


Icing happen when de puck come down, BANG, you know,
before de oder guys, nobody dere, you know.
My arm go comme ça, den de game stop den start up.

Quote by daytripper75
Get To Da Choppa!
#4
Quote by Angry-Mares
Suicide is the coward's way out.

Hold square button!
>_>

But srsly,
it's bad.
Blarghuh Highum Doogin

Quote by Td_Nights
Prank calls?

What are you, 10?

Be a man and go take a shit on someone's car.
#6
Quote by Angry-Mares
Suicide is the coward's way out.

QFT
unless your a samurai
then your just badass
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you can be jesus.


Quote by Wesseem
most useless response i think i have ever seen on any forum ever.


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Lolflag
#8
Ummmmmmm, sure he just didn't die?

Dosen't sound like he had much to gain through death. Well, good luck with that one.
#9
I wouldn't judge a person who commits suicide, seeing as how I don't know his thoughts, his life, or anything like that. It is saddening, though.
#10
Quote by Angry-Mares
Suicide is the coward's way out.


That's ****ed up.

TS, Your story was awesome, and it was really one of the most interesting serious-threads on the Pit. +100000000000 for that.

However, i have no experiences with suicide, or atleast with people close to me committing suicide. i believe it's a stupid thing to do... But i can't keep a strong position on a topic like this. I've never experienced it, and so far, it hasn't taken its toll on my thoughts yet.
#11
Why does that make you question your own beleifs??

Edit:

And ****ed up or not, its true.

you have to either be incredibly stupid, or just not right in the head.
#12
Was anything said about why he committed suicide? Sounds like you two may have been on the same path in loosing faith. I couldn't imagine a kid so assured by God that he'd consciously commit suicide.
They say the old woman's got the wisdom
'Cause she couldn't read the clock anymore
She said "The numbers don't represent the moments"
Says she don't see what all the ticking's for
#14
I'm really sorry for your friend. Sadly I've never had that kinda role model in my life so I can't really say much more.

I know that if I knew I had cancer and I would die soon, I would think about killing myself too. I hate to be in pain and the thought of knowing I was going to die soon would be too much for me.

But again, RIP.
#15
Sorry for your loss, and may he rest in peace.
Sometimes I think there is nothing after death, but I feel the urge to believe that there is something else.
YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE FROM THE DOOM DOOM DOOM


My Equipment:
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#16
All he wanted was a Pepsi! Just a Pepsi! And SHE wouldn't give it to him!

+1 to whoever gets this.
Quote by ESPplayer5150
I loled
#17
Quote by Angry-Mares
Suicide is the coward's way out.


yes. hate those who found it too hard to live their lives, and had issues. just because your life is a boquet of f*cking roses, doesn't mean that other people's are. Depression is a mental disorder caused by a lack of certain hormones. it's not just something that a person concocts because their daddy didn't buy them a lexus.

the incredible sadness that must be felt by a person who commits suicide pales the sadness of the people they left behind. instead of saying that someone who couldn't find help and felt that there was no way out is an idiot, you should recognize the incredible sadness and frustration that was with them until the very end.

Now, my life is good, despite having issues to resolve. but that doesn't mean that other people who get beaten by their parents, or live in incredible pain should be forced to forget their issues and be happy because a prick like you wants them to. there's more to life than you, and other people deserve love and attention.
#18
Quote by VanCamp
All he wanted was a Pepsi! Just a Pepsi! And SHE wouldn't give it to him!

+1 to whoever gets this.

It's a song but fail to see how that relates to anything.
#19
thats horrible i think that a nice guy like that should deffinently go to heaven
#20
Quote by The_Paranoia
It's a song but fail to see how that relates to anything.


Suicidal Tendencies
Quote by ESPplayer5150
I loled
#21
Quote by restless_thrash
yes. hate those who found it too hard to live their lives, and had issues. just because your life is a boquet of f*cking roses, doesn't mean that other people's are. Depression is a mental disorder caused by a lack of certain hormones. it's not just something that a person concocts because their daddy didn't buy them a lexus.

the incredible sadness that must be felt by a person who commits suicide pales the sadness of the people they left behind. instead of saying that someone who couldn't find help and felt that there was no way out is an idiot, you should recognize the incredible sadness and frustration that was with them until the very end.

Now, my life is good, despite having issues to resolve. but that doesn't mean that other people who get beaten by their parents, or live in incredible pain should be forced to forget their issues and be happy because a prick like you wants them to. there's more to life than you, and other people deserve love and attention.

yea, life can be terrible for some, but seeing as theres nothing else, why the hell would you end it?

Ive dealt with severe depression before (its an ongoing process) but NEVER considered suicide. Life is all we have, tough it out. Things always get better.
#22
I am sorry to hear about Brian. He sounds like he was a pretty amazing bloke.

I'm not going to say what I believe in regards to an afterlife other than that I have no doubts about an afterlife, and I hope he's happy wherever he is.

And people who suicide are not cowards. I don't necessarily agree with it, but they went through a lot to drive them to that decision, and deserve more respect than to be called cowards.
XIAOXI
Last edited by Abunai X at Nov 22, 2008,
#23
me myself, i deal with being bipolar and having suicidal thoughts everyday, of course i take medication but me mum often has to tell me that suicide is not a selfless act but a selfish act. you are leaving heavy burdens of creating a funeral, sadness, and the possiblilites of other people wanting to kill themselves and etc.
please, from my heart, don't resort to suicide...even a suicide of a fellow UGer i don't even know can affect me and possibly others that you dont know, not to mention your family. talk to someone from your family, consider conseling, or talking to someone from your church if you are considering suicide at all.
Please, don't go that path...
#24
Quote by Angry-Mares
Suicide is the coward's way out.
Unless been through exactly every single thing every single person who has attempted or commit suicide has been through, shut the fuck up because you don't know what you're talking about with a huge statement like that.
Quote by InvaderTSN
I wouldn't judge a person who commits suicide, seeing as how I don't know his thoughts, his life, or anything like that. It is saddening, though.
Exactly.
Quote by kaosfire
And ****ed up or not, its true.

you have to either be incredibly stupid, or just not right in the head.
Thanks for telling us, Jesus. I had no idea you're in a position to determine all suicides are either stupid or the result of mental illness.
#26
Madcap, tell me one ****ing reason its a good idea.

It doesnt matter if it SEEMS like a good idea from their standpoint, its still the ending of their life. How the hell is that good at all?
#27
Don't question your own strength. If you got strength now, you got strength. It's not something that comes and goes from OTHER people.

Quote by kaosfire
Madcap, tell me one ****ing reason its a good idea.
What if you had to kill yourself to save someone you loved? What if your life is truly and terminally horrible or painful?

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#28
Quote by kaosfire
Madcap, tell me one ****ing reason its a good idea.

It doesnt matter if it SEEMS like a good idea from their standpoint, its still the ending of their life. How the hell is that good at all?
I'm not in a position to determine whether or not it can ever be a good or bad idea. I haven't been through what other suicidal people have been through, so I can't say it's either. I'm not in any way validated to say that. Maybe for certain scenarios, yet for every fucking person who has ever commit or attempted suicide, I can't judge their actions and call them all stupid or a result of mental illness. Especially not stupid. Who am I to make that call?
#29
Quote by Xiaoxi
Don't question your own strength. If you got strength now, you got strength. It's not something that comes and goes from OTHER people.

Exactly, i dont see how one persons suicide makes you question yourself. Of course it can make you upset, but how do your own beleifs falter if someone elses did?


Edit: Madcap, regardless of circumstance, its killing youself, ending your life. What situation could that possibly be a good decision. There is only ONE scenario I can think of, in the case of a terminally ill person who'd rather go painlessly before having to suffer, but other than that how could it possibly be a good decision?
#30
Quote by Angry-Mares
Suicide is the coward's way out.

Fuck you. I'd like to see you say that after going through cancer and having rounds of chemotherapy done.

Anyway, that is really sad. Sometimes life is too painful to live, I guess. Going by the bible, if he were still saved, he would be in heaven.


Edit: Madcap, regardless of circumstance, its killing youself, ending your life. What situation could that possibly be a good decision. There is only ONE scenario I can think of, in the case of a terminally ill person who'd rather go painlessly before having to suffer, but other than that how could it possibly be a good decision?

What about people who experience emotional trauma so devestating that they're never able to move on with their life? Should they have to be forced to live life in that state of mind?
#31
Well my experience with suicide is my own attempt at my life when i was 16 i had this medicine for my sleep called risperdol, and your meant to squirt 0.5 mgs from this little syringe-like thing in your mouth, and i took about half the bottle: I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE ****ED UP IN MY LIFE SINCE THEN. i felt like i was tired and wanted to go out and run for miles at the same time! not only that but thier was an insane pain in my stomach i couldnt lay still for literally 30 seconds without being in pain! to anyone reading this who feels like killing themselves, please dont you will really hurt your family and friends.
#32
Quote by Spamwise



What about people who experience emotional trauma so devestating that they're never able to move on with their life? Should they have to be forced to live life in that state of mind?

They should seek help. At least try. Emotional trauma can be amazingly terrible, but with help it is possible to at least make things a bit better.
#33
Quote by InvaderTSN
I wouldn't judge a person who commits suicide, seeing as how I don't know his thoughts, his life, or anything like that. It is saddening, though.


I'm trying my best not to judge him. I don't know that there was a suicide note, but I'm assuming one. My friend Christina said that he lost all hope in his fight against cancer, so I'm thinking Brian made it clear told someone somehow. I do know it's suicide though because I was told he shot himself.

I've always thought that suicide is selfish and cowardly, but I'm not sure in Brian's case. He already accepted death and this is the strongest example of him not being afraid of death. My biggest questions now are about the afterlife. I've lost faith in Christianity but still want to believe in God and Heaven, but I really fear he's in Hell and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Quote by MeltingWaxFace
Nice copy pasta.


Go ahead and try to look it up, it's completely original. I felt that this deserved to be typed nicely, if that's the only reason you feel it's copypasta. Here's even a web page which mentions him http://www.mcoaonline.net/node/38, and if you check any of my old posts you'll find that I've made reference to growing up in Big Rapids, MI.

I must thank you, though. My friend Christina said he had leukemia, but it was lymphoma. And after asking another friend I found that Brian did in fact marry last June.

And could this seriously be copypasta if theres such a recent obituary? http://www.mohnkefuneralhome.com/2008/11/21/brian-charles-tomczyk

Thanks for making my day.

EDIT: Thanks everyone for the serious posts, I'm feeling comforted already. I talked about it with my best friend today and she said a lot of things you guys have said, but this makes it even better!
Last edited by dudius at Nov 22, 2008,
#34
Quote by Punkrocker94
Hold square button!
>_>

But srsly,
it's bad.

Call of Duty 4. Cookie nao.

But, I was depressed for about 2 1/2 years and I'm just now starting to come out of it. One big thing triggers it. Then you're pretty much trapped and feel horrible all the time. Any little thing can set you off and make you cry, sometimes nothing at all.
#35
Quote by coryklok
Call of Duty 4. Cookie nao.

But, I was depressed for about 2 1/2 years and I'm just now starting to come out of it. One big thing triggers it. Then you're pretty much trapped and feel horrible all the time. Any little thing can set you off and make you cry, sometimes nothing at all.

It sucks doesnt it?
#36
Quote by kaosfire
Edit: Madcap, regardless of circumstance, its killing youself, ending your life. What situation could that possibly be a good decision. There is only ONE scenario I can think of, in the case of a terminally ill person who'd rather go painlessly before having to suffer, but other than that how could it possibly be a good decision?
Read my post again. It's not like I can magically think of every scenario possible in my head and pick a good one. I'm saying that because I haven't been through every scenario possible, I can't conclude that all suicide is either stupid or a result of mental illness. Whether or not I can think of an example of a good time is irrelevant.
#37
dude i'm SOO sorry for your loss man.... your story though was really cool...

but no i've never delt with a person close to me commiting suicide and i hope i never have to but i have thought and nearly caried out killing myself.. i've cut my wrist and thought about blowing my head off...

but i'm sorry man i truely am...
#38
Quote by famefornothing
suicide is not a selfless act but a selfish act. you are leaving heavy burdens of creating a funeral, sadness, and the possiblilites of other people wanting to kill themselves and etc.

i agree with this
dont ever kill yourself

i have experienced suicide not on a personal lever.....but i was at a mates house when his mum tried to committ suicide
it was ****ed up
it wasnt the first time she tried as well
#39
Quote by kaosfire
They should seek help. At least try. Emotional trauma can be amazingly terrible, but with help it is possible to at least make things a bit better.

Therapy is not exactly a sure fire thing like a Tylenol you take for a headache...

...modes and scales are still useless.


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Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
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Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

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Quote by PhoenixGRM
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#40
Quote by Angry-Mares
Suicide is the coward's way out.

Actually, suicide is the stupid way out. I doubt that there's anything more hard than pulling the trigger. Please stop being such an asshole. The TS's friend just died. He doesn't need people calling his friend a coward.

Sorry about your friend TS.
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