#1
This is a thrash/pretty much any type of metal song.

Take one last look at me
It is the sat time you will
can not control my anger
and now it is time to kill

Looking right into my eyes
at the moment you are destined to die
Don't you know what you've done to me?
Caused my pain and suffering

Nothing you say
Nothing you do
will allow me
To forgive you

You took my house
You took my strife
You grabbed a knife
and almost ended my life

If you watn forgiveness turn to god
He will forgive you with a nod of his head
and you will be spared from the dead

but me and god are not the same
I will hold a gruge
and you are to blame

I know that my sins will be forgiven
and that one day i will go to heaven
or will this sin bear too much weight
and leave me too a doomed fate

Eaither way the deed must me done
you will die from the shot of a gun
so take one last look into my eyes
and pray to god that i dont take your life

My finger on the Trigger
The gun on your head
In a moment you will be dead
floor splattered the color red

As I pull the trigger the bullet goes into your head
I see you lying dead
while your eyes are bloodshot and red.


This is a little rough, but im gonna try to add and revise things if needed, so tell me any suggestions.
Equiptment:

Bass: Yamaha RBX170
Amp: Fender Rumble 100
Pedal: Boss BOD-3 Bass overdrive pedal
Last edited by bassplayer18A7X at Nov 23, 2008,
#2
I think it was pretty good for Thrash Metal(which is the stuff I write).
I'm kinda not sure about the "You took my wife" line, maybe its a little too un-metalish? Maybe use strife instead of wife, but that's just a thought.
Overall, great song!
#3
I pretty much like the theme and progression, not bad. My major issue with this is that it really reminds me of Metallica's "For Whom The Bell Tolls".
'Take one last look at me
It is the sat time you will'
'Looking right into my eyes
at the moment you are destined to die'

is really reminiscent of:
'Take a look to the sky just before you die
It is the last time you will'

I think this may be an issue... you don't want to be seen as unoriginal.

4th stanza, the three rhymes are too much and aren't consistent with the first stanza. The rhymes throughout change and shift in structure, which is a little confusing. Good work overall.