#1
scribbles on a page:
"enter door right: Mrs. Penny (the left eye): 'ELLO, I 'EARD YOU BE STUMBLIN' ABOUT.'
a man calls from off stage (the nose) "YOU SHANT BE SO QUAINT ABOUT THIS CURIOUS FOOTING, I FOR ONE CAN NOT STAND ON BOTH HANDS AS AN APE. I WILL NOT DRAG MY TONGUE ON THE GROUND, TO CLEAN IT. NO, I WILL LICK THE DIRT TO TASTE IT."
the man walks on stage, he is a wearing nothing and small gashes have been painted on his hands.
Penny: "SIR, SIR, IT SEEMS YOU'VE GAW' A CASE OF STIGMATA!"
the man inserts his fingers into the small gash and begins to rip off his skin, she stands in awe. Once the skin is off, he lunges for her, and forces himself on top of her. she is covered in his blood, and he makes his way under her petticoat, sliding two fingers into her vagina.
END OF PAGE."


these thoughts kept clumsily (something something)
inside my head, i drove past so many streets
with so many interesting names, i couldn't
help but feel insa-nevermind, i can't mention it,
i remember the way the stop lights looked,
giant glaring pupils, red as whatever you want,
and I couldn't see past them, and it felt
like, it honestly felt like, something was
eating into my chest and tearing out
the inside of it. I kept confusing
street signs as skinny redheads, stopping
to ask if they needed a ride. I knew she wasn't listening
sitting next to me, the one in the car,
the one outside,
the one six hundred miles away,
the one eight hundred miles away,
the one, the one, the one, the one,
the one, the one, the one, the one,
the one, i'm sick of the one. I'm so
sick of the one, or being the one,
or being the secret one, spending time
with her real number one, hugging him
and asking him to hang out with me
sometime, when i know full well, if she
had the chance she'd be with me,
alienation,
or regret, or the lack of
self motivation to obtain what
you really want, afraid of it all, she said.
She said a lot. I was inside her once,
twice, she said I was the one,
and now...

scribbled on a page:
"strange man enters through window: THE CLOSET MUST HAVE A HOLE IN IT, BECAUSE IT IS VERY CHILLY INSIDE THIS HOME. NOT A PLESENT WELCOME IF I BE HOMELESS TONIGHT, BUT I SLEEP AS A KING, INSIDE ANOTHER'S CASTLE, TIS THE FRUIT OF THE NIGHT, AND I WELCOME THE NAUSIA OF SLUMBER."
a man enters through the stair fixture: WHO IS 'ERE, IN MY HOUSE. I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU, I'LL HURT YOU."
a woman follows behind him: 'IT'S NO ONE, DON'T WORRY, PLEASE LET'S GO BACK TO BED, I'LL LET YOU SEE HOW FLEXIBLE I'VE GOTTEN SINCE WE MARRIED, I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN MEANIN' TO HAVE ME DAT WAY."
the man exits, and the woman creeps slowly downstairs. The man from the window, takes hold of her face and she stares deep into his, they share a moment of silence and smile in the dark home, as they share a kiss.

at the bottom of the page, it is scribbled quickly:
"Don't like the ending, someone should die."
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
Last edited by Something_Vague at Nov 24, 2008,
#3
Wonderful. I don't really know how I felt about the bit in between the two scribbles. Not it in itself, but in relation to the rest of it. I thought it was all good and I enjoyed reading it, but objectively, I just don't know if it worked or not.

Other than that, splendid.
#4
the man inserts his fingers into the small gash and begins to ripe off his skin,


Should be "rip".

I so
sick of the one, or being the one,


Should be "I'm".

I agree with the others though, this was ace. Props, son.
#6
Your creativity thrives like the light from a solar system.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching