#1
This is something I've been working on this week. It is quite diverse in influence, I took influence from some jazz, shred and middle eastern sort of stuff.
I hope you enjoy, and C4C of course. I would love some constructive criticism, although I'm only 13 so don't expect a masterwork! lol
Attachments:
Song 1.zip
Last edited by Myung-trucci at Nov 27, 2008,
#2
Whoa, man that was really good!!! Your only 13? Im almost afraid of what you'll be putting out in 5 years or so. You got a good head start and obvious ****ing talent.

- Probably my favorite part had to be measure 30 - 45, that keyboard was perfect and the riffs were the best in the song.
- The rest of your riffage tended to be a bit repetitive (and without the piano, keyboards, etc. it would have been way more apparent.) Also it seemed a little too simple for how slow the temp was in my opinion.
- Lol 58 - 79 or so, never seen that before, great use of the Arabic scales.
- I can see where you were going with the end, but the dissonance is just to muffled - maybe due to the MIDI.

Hey but I enjoyed listening to the whole thing. You should try writing a solo next time, besides that insane keyboard solo, can you play that?

Well if you dont mind, check out mine please.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1006997
#3
yeah, I can play that keyboard line. It took me many hours though!
The riffage was a bit simple, I might change it up abit.
The dissonance sounds way better in real time, rather than MIDI.

Glad you liked the arabic stuff, that sort of came out of nowhere, lol.
#4
Hmm. Nice composition.
The chord progression at the start really reminded me of like, a fifties doo-op type song :B
You have really good transitions everywhere. Loved the middle eastern feel right after the shred piece.
I'm a fan of the dissonant chords that come after that, with the bass line underneath. That bass is smooth.
It kind of brought to mind Between The Buried And Me. Like a happier sounding song of theirs.
Good work, keep it up.
Quote by sheumack111
I allways found that having sex while listening to Tool/Planet X/Dream Theater was hard because every time you tryed o keep the beat they would change time sig, then you would get pissed off and then loose your mojo for the nite.....

I fucking Lol'd
#5
That was great!!!! The intro was not my cup 'o tea, but the rest was amazing!!!! Good to see other kids my age doing cool stuff besides System Of A Down. I liked you complex time signature use too!!!!
8.5/10
The intro was very doo-wop too.
#6
Haha, I wanted a doowop feel at the beggining, its not my cup of tea that much either man but it suits the 'turbulent' feel of the piece I guess.
#7
Hey man, thanks for the crit. Sorry it took so long to get back to ya, holidays and stuff.

Anyways, this is amazing..really great stuff, especially for your age. One pet peeve i have tho, is that the sections arent marked..haha, its weird, but it bothers me.

The intro was good. i feel it shoulda been more on the epic side to really build up to the song. Putting a shorter intro to the likes of bar 30's riff would really do the trick. Using the riff at bar 42 would sound sweet, i think.

The aforementioned riff at 42 is also probably my favorite riff so far. (doin this as i go) Great passage through there and moving octaves at bar 56 was an excellent idea. Those runs are great, especially the final one on bar 63.

Like rodex and rusty said above, the arabic scales were a highlight. you used them impeccably. great composition. I dont think the riffs get repetitive tho, its inventive enough that it keeps you entertained.

starting at bar 97, i think guitar 1's parts get swallowed by guitar 2's. maybe clean up the strum pattern or increase g1's volume. the rest after that gets a little boring for me. i like the riffs, but the points been driven home.

Bar 142 starts a good section. i know its the same progression and all, but changing up guitar 1's parts snapped me out of it haha.

Overall, this is very well composed; its very epic and progressive. albeit, it gets a little boring at times, but the piece as a whole made up for it. i wish i wouldve started as young as you, it seems like younger generations really soak up the stuff. The swing feel of the whole gave it a very nice jazzy, smooth feel. and the use different time sigs and dissonance are flawlessly executed.

I give it a 10/10 (even tho the sections werent marked :P)

feel free to check out my other songs, "red eye reverie" or "candid camera" if you liked my last one. ill go c4c on another if u want.
-Epi LP Ultra
-Mashall MG100HDFX half-stack
-Tama Imperialstar
-Epi "Hater-Slayer"
-Fender Ultimate Chorus
-Fender US Strat
-'51 Fender Pro-Amp Model 5A5 TV Front (sexy beast)
-Wechter Pathfinder A/E
-Washburn D-10SB
Last edited by ApolloTSI at Nov 28, 2008,
#9
ah well, be sure to crit if you do listen. youve got skills and i wanna see if i match up! thanks man
-Epi LP Ultra
-Mashall MG100HDFX half-stack
-Tama Imperialstar
-Epi "Hater-Slayer"
-Fender Ultimate Chorus
-Fender US Strat
-'51 Fender Pro-Amp Model 5A5 TV Front (sexy beast)
-Wechter Pathfinder A/E
-Washburn D-10SB
#10
this sounds awesome man! for 13 this is some great stuff!! the little synth (or guitar maybe, i just listened to the midi) run at 3:46 (right before the dissonant chords) reminds me of the synth break in Octavarium by DT (right before the "Sailing on the seven seize the day tripper diem's ready Jack the ripper owens wilson phillips and my supper's ready" part). overall loved it, except it didn't really seem to climax at the end. probably because i was just listening to midi, i'm sure in a live setup, the dynamics and intensity would be much more evident.