#1
So this song is about my girlfriend and I - crappy, crappy times.
Def. criticize for criticize. Just leave me a link or something. ;P
This song will be played in moderate acoustics. [;

Here it is; Words.

Is there a point to these words that you're speaking?
Or, are you just trying to break me? I've realized
a lot more than you're thinking. Is there a point
to these words that you're speaking?

Words don't mean a thing when promises aren't
made for keeping. After a year of mistrust
and no loyalty, you're nothing. You can't
redeem yourself unless you show what you're
saying.

Is there a point to these words that you're
speaking? Or, are you just trying to break me?
I've realized a lot more than you're thinking.
Is there a point to these words that you're speaking?
Is there a point to these words that you're speaking?

Do you understand the meaning of quality? Or, do
you need to have more in quantity? If that's you,
that's not me, I'm leaving.

Is there a point to these words that you're
speaking? Or, are you just trying to break me?
I've realized a lot more than you're thinking?
Is there..
Is there a point to these words that you're speaking?
Is there a point to these words that you're speaking?


Words don't mean a thing when promises aren't made
for keeping. You can't redeem yourself unless you
show yourself.
Is there a point to these words that you're
speaking? Or, are you just trying to break me?
Last edited by NICKOLASrox at Nov 27, 2008,
#3
I started to do a full critique on this one, but there isn't much there, line by line, for me to criticize. The writing here is very solid. I do, however, feel that you should branch out a little bit and maybe try to express your thoughts in a more interesting fashion. This entire thing was somewhat cliched, and though it'll work fine as a song, I'm sure you're capable of writing something much more impressive than this -- seeing as you utilized the fundamentals of writing here to great effect. Keep on writing.

P.S. Shoot me a PM if you record this, I'd like to hear it.
#4
I do enjoy the questions part of it. It shows the actual feelings have when in difficult relationships. This is a song that would be good because many people could relate to it. Good job.
I'm The New Cancer. Never Looked Better. You Can't Stand It. :stickpoke
#5
I agree with TheNewCancer, really good use of the questions really felt like you were thrashing it out but getting nowhere - we all been there so everyone can relate. In all really good