#1
I'm not very good at composing the music but i have set these lyrics around a dead basic two chord sequence (D and G) and it sounds like a Woody Guthrie style american folk song...hope that helps a bit, this is my first attempt so go easy:

(Chorus)
I have seen my share of leaving
Left my family far behind
To travel round this world alone
An' search for something i can't find

VI
This world it seems so massive
Really takes my breathe away
But then the world it gets so tiny
So small that i can't breathe

(Chorus)

VII
I've said hello to many people
As i travel 'cross this land
They were friends while i knew them
But i said bye too many times too

(Chorus)

VIII
I met a girl just like an angel
Kissed me once and i had to stay
She showed me the world around me
Now I don't have to search no more

(Final Chorus)
I had seen my share of leaving
Left my family at the door
I met a girl just like an angel
Now i don't have to search no more
#2
Hey there. To be honest, I really like these lyrics. They are simple but effective. Maybe that could be something you work on in the future: expanding your lyrics to give them more depth so listeners (and readers) get a little more image or story out of it. These lyrics are really fun to sing actually (I had to try it :p

"They were friends while i knew them
But i said bye too many times too"
This line bothered me a bit. I like the idea but the execution was lacking. There wasn't much of a flow to it, you know? And I think you could try to rewrite it so it's a little less awkward.

Overall, I have very little problems with this. It was a nice, folky song and has a good sentiment in it. My only real suggestion is to try to build up a more full story with your words. Even in simple acoustic songs like neil young or bob dylan or ryan adams stuff uses choice words and compresses big ideas and conveys great images in short lyrics. This is a good start, I'd say but if you could work towards something like that, you could have some really good stuff.

cheers,
Jimmy
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#3
Okay - before I begin giving you criticism for this piece, I have one thing I'd like to say - AMAZING! For a beginnger lyricist, you are good. If I'm /not/ mistaken, you said you've never done this before - great job. Here is my /full/ criticism below.

(Chorus)
I have seen my share of leaving
Left my family far behind
To travel round this world alone
An' search for something i can't find
{Absolutely great opening chorus -
one tiny thing you might /consider/ changing
is "can't" to cannot"}

VI
This world it seems so massive
Really takes my breathe away
But then the world it gets so tiny
So small that i can't breathe
{Again, great wording - maybe consider changing
"can't" to "cannot" - it's a flow issue }
(Chorus)

VII
I've said hello to many people
As i travel 'cross this land
They were friends while i knew them
But i said bye too many times too
{ I like this - all /but/ the "But, I said
bye too many times too" - I'm sure
your imigination is better and more
expansive than that, and can come up
with something that flows better!}
(Chorus)

VIII
I met a girl just like an angel
Kissed me once and i had to stay
She showed me the world around me
Now I don't have to search no more
{Everything here fits except the very
last line, again - "Now I don't have to search
no more" - it throws the flow off, COMPLETELY"
Fix it.}
(Final Chorus)
I had seen my share of leaving
Left my family at the door
I met a girl just like an angel
Now i don't have to search no more
{ I like this close - It wraps everything
up perfectly}

So, all in all - great job!
I'll give you a 85/100 rating
on this. ;P
Criticize mine, perhaps? ;D

Words -
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1007139
#4
Thanks to both of you, i'm really chuffed with the response!!! I have taken on board what you said (particularly the specifics you picked out Nickolasrox).

It might just be the way i sing with my English accent but i feel "can't" fits better than "cannot" - i have tried it both ways, but hey.

I really had issues with the end of the second verse too, dead pleased with the "They were friends while i knew them" line but the final line is just too cheesy - i'll work on it, but thanks for the vote of confidence about my imagination lol!!!

I've had a play with the the final verse - what do you reckon???

I met a girl just like an angel
Kissed me once and i had to stay
She showed me the world around me
She showed me, another way

Anyway thanks again, let me know what you think. In the meantime i'll try and flesh the "story" out a bit.

Phil