#1
C4C

That’s what you get
When you stare into those beautiful eyes
You see all that heartbreak
And it makes you want to cry

If Eyes are windows to the soul
Then they should be our primary goal

Your eyes will tell a story
Of all your fame and glory
When its all said and done
I hope they shine like the sun

That’s what you get
When you look at her and see her pain
You feel like you should help her
But you don’t know what to say

If Eyes were windows to the soul
Then we should attempt to make them whole

Your eyes will tell a story
Of all your fame and glory
When its all said and done
I hope they shine like the sun

Something about her
That makes you think
Why do I want her?

Your eyes will tell a story
Of all your fame and glory
When you have one last dance
I sure hope you take your chance
Your eyes tell a story
Of all your fame and glory
When its all said and done
I hope they shine like the sun
#2
Quote by Q&Aproject
C4C

That’s what you get
When you stare into those beautiful eyes
You see all that heartbreak
And it makes you want to cry
Nothing special, it does paint a picture in my head though.

If Eyes are windows to the soul
Then they should be our primary goal
This one I didn't like. Primary goal for what?
Just my two cents, but the second line seems like it's only there for rhyming purposes
.

Your eyes will tell a story
Of all your fame and glory
When its all said and done
I hope they shine like the sun
Again nothing special. It reads like you didn't really put much effort into this.


That’s what you get
When you look at her and see her pain
You feel like you should help her
But you don’t know what to say

If Eyes were windows to the soul
Then we should attempt to make them whole
Like this one better than the first one. In general I kind of liked these two senteced stances but maybe you just need to work them out better.

Your eyes will tell a story
Of all your fame and glory
When its all said and done
I hope they shine like the sun

Something about her
That makes you think
Why do I want her?

Your eyes will tell a story
Of all your fame and glory
When you have one last dance
I sure hope you take your chance
Your eyes tell a story
Of all your fame and glory
When its all said and done
I hope they shine like the sun



Overall I'd say if any then it's average. Put some feelings in it man. To me decent lyrics would go over rhyming. If it rhymes even better. It reads like you wrote within 5 minutes not really paying great attention to it at all.
Hope my opinion was helpful in any way.

For C4C look sig
Last edited by xghost88 at Nov 25, 2008,
#3
yea i think sometimes when writing lyrics we worry to much about rhyming and we get away from the meaning of the lyrics ..... over all not bad . keep on rockin
#4
I would have to agree with pretty much all that xghost88 said. it has good potential, but it's a little cliche and doesn't really seem very personal to me.

C4C? check out 'On Thin Air' or 'Berlin' (or both ) in my sig
My current acoustic group:

Fiftieth Parallel

Martin Guitars
Elixer Strings
Acoustic amplification
BOSS pedals

Last edited by jon93971 at Nov 26, 2008,
#5
This is pretty good. I'm not one for a bunch of rhyming. Honestly I think that people who can make lyrics flow without a ton of rhymes are truly talented. But still, I think this was a good effort.
I'm The New Cancer. Never Looked Better. You Can't Stand It. :stickpoke
#6
Okay, so - to be honest - you need to tone down the rhymes.
Music is supposed to be something you're passionate about, it's supposed to tell a story, it's supposed to flow, and it doesn't necessarily /have/ to rhyme. Sure, it's /great/ to have a line here or there rhyme, but it's ridiculous when /every/ one of them does. Seriously - try to tone it down, go back, rewrite this, then post it again, or edit it here.

Criticize mine?
Words;
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1007139