#1
Hey heres two pieces intended as a poem at first but i wondered if they would be worth developing into songs what u guys think?

The wind pushes rain against my face
my heart beating fast quickening its pace
Then everything stopped
there was one single drop left falling
i could hear the angel of death slowly calling
then it came to me
what was falling from that tree was not rain but blood
there was only one drop left but now its all a dead read flood

That ones about death the title goes to the next one
wich isnt finished

We always sing about happy things
its all sweet and nice with diamond rings
but all of this is just a shield
were all just minions for evil to yield
were nothing but players on a death field
were all corrupt with darkness and creed
and this is the reason some of us bleed
Theres muder out west illness in the north
there are so many people that are in need
there going so hungry but nothing to feed
#3
Quote by acidhendrix
Hey heres two pieces intended as a poem at first but i wondered if they would be worth developing into songs what u guys think?

The wind pushes rain against my face
my heart beating fast quickening its pace
Then everything stopped
(Awesome transition and story telling. It fits perfectly!)
there was one single drop left falling
i could hear the angel of death slowly calling
then it came to me
(Good job keeping the same structure. So far so good.)
what was falling from that tree was not rain but blood
there was only one drop left but now its all a dead read flood
(is "read" supposed to be "red?" I can see this being split into two separate verses with a chorus in-between. Excellent!)

That ones about death the title goes to the next one
wich isnt finished

We always sing about happy things
its all sweet and nice with diamond rings
but all of this is just a shield
were all just minions for evil to yield
were nothing but players on a death field
were all corrupt with darkness and creed
and this is the reason some of us [to] bleed
(Very deep and holds a lot of meaning. Sort of like people with 'megalomania' type personalities or something.)
Theres muder out west illness in the north
there are so many people that are in need
there going so hungry but nothing to feed
(Good start with this, but I felt that it was unfinished and started dying out when "There's murder out..." was introduced. Good though.)


Good starts with those. I personally like the first one the best. Just fix them up because there were grammatical and spelling errors. Otherwise, good start.

C4C?

My song is here :
Elwood Drive
#4
Quote by acidhendrix
why isnt anyone replying


You aren't allowed to bump.

Read the rules to find out The way to get replies

PS. It's been 25 minutes. SnL moves alot slower than the pit, so just be patient.