#1
This is my newest set of lyrics. I'm gonna post more eventually. Be sure to tell me what you all think. Thanks!

Make A Run For It

Verse 1:
Hope has lost so much time
We can't get it back
At the end of this dream there's no waking up
Just more chances to drown

I've spent so many years trying to change myself
No one really cares
So I guess I won't care
Let's see where this leads me

Chorus 1:
It's been a long time coming
No time going
A good time loving
Bad time knowing
Forget who we are
Because we'll never get far
(never gonna get far)

Verse 2:
Living life to the fullest
Well my glass is half empty
At the end of this life there's no going on
Just an eternity of feeling wrong

You just want to fight for your life
I guess I should care
Even though they really won't
Let's see where this leads you


Chorus 2:
A long distance running
Never ever slowing
Our last time living
Might as well give up
Forget who we are
Because we'll never get far
(Never gonna get far)

Chorus 1 (again)


The end.
I'm The New Cancer. Never Looked Better. You Can't Stand It. :stickpoke
Last edited by TheNewCancer92 at Nov 25, 2008,
#2

Hope has lost so much time
We can't get it back
At the end of this dream there's no waking up
Just more chances to drown

I've spent so many years trying to change myself
No one really cares
So I guess I won't care
Let's see where this leads me
This entire intro is really solid. There's nothing really wrong with anything you've presented here. Interesting, though slightly cliche, ideas. Pretty impressive stuff.

It's been a long time coming
No time going
A good time loving
Bad time knowing
This rhyme felt pretty forced to me. It did flow really well, and since it appears this is supposed to be a song, it'll do. The first two lines were clever, and the juxtaposition of good and bad times was nice as well, it's just I don't see what "knowing" has to do with anything here -- ya know?
Forget who we are
Because we'll never get far
(never gonna get far)

Living life to the fullest
Well my glass is half empty
Fullest/half-empty was pretty clever as well. Though, I just can't get over how trite and overused the image of a half-empty glass is.
At the end of this life there's no going on
Just an eternity of feeling wrong
"Feeling wrong" was slightly weak in comparison to the rest of this and could be stated better.

You just want to fight for your life
I guess I should care
Even though they really won't
Between you I and they I got confused. You should make the pronouns here jive a little more, as I'm not sure where "you" especially comes from.
Let's see where this leads you

A long distance running
Never ever slowing
Our last time living
Might as well give up
This felt somewhat lazy without rhyming, as you tried pretty hard to make the first chorus rhyme. I think the first chorus could be better without the rhyme scheme, though. I'd either make this one rhyme somehow, or revise that fourth line in the first chorus without worrying about rhyme.
Forget who we are
Because we'll never get far
(Never gonna get far)

Despite my criticisms, this was definitely a really solid set of lyrics. It'll make a cool song. You showed me that you're clever, and therefore I think you have a lot of potential as a writer. I'd love to read more. Keep posting.

By the way, if you record this, PM me -- I'd love to hear it.
#3
Yeah thanks so much. I had some trouble with words in this song. When it comes to using big clever sounding words and stuff... I'm not the best. Mainly because my vocabulary is only slightly above average. I plan on posting more when I can. Especially since this one, in my opinion, is one of my weaker ones because I struggled so much with it.


And in the first chorus the "knowing" really fits to me. But I do understand why you might think otherwise. It all has to do with how lyrics can be interpreted differently by other people. So that word is kinda iffy because it doesn't get my message across correctly. I understand that. Thanks for helping me realize that.

I plan on recording this sometime. I was in the middle of writing some new music for it before I read this.

Once again, thanks!!
I'm The New Cancer. Never Looked Better. You Can't Stand It. :stickpoke