#1
A little something I wrote near the end of the summer. Of course, it's over... Just thought I'd share. I still welcome/need opinions on my last 2, so it's up to you to pick up the one you'd rather comment on the most (links in sig).

You can go through this one if you want, but I probably won't change much there. Thoughts and all are still appreciated for future pieces though. I really don't think it's perfect, but It's more of a reminder than something I want to bring somewhere.

Infinity

She bathed in calm waters.
With barely any disruption,
Merely a flock of apprehension
in weekend sunsets.

We walked and swam amongst the geese
Floated upstream the darklit fleuve
just so we'd have the loisir
of heading down again.

Our very own migration, you could say.
Traveling between our favorite shores
and marine sheets.

We were lovers pulling our backs against
the upcoming distance and
folding paper maps ;

it was beautiful

We were clocks standing still
in August's last breath.
Infinity.
Last edited by circular.parade at Nov 26, 2008,
#2
I wanted a few more french words thrown in there, another two or three, to make it that more romantic. It's like you had the idea but then copped out.

I think the first stanza was more of a mouthful than it should have been; you got too obsessed with the wording than the image and meaning.

Kind of got a bit corny at the end, but I think if you had really got that english/french thing going strong, you could have put an interesting spin on romance.

As it was, it was a little bit too wet for my tastes by the time I'd finished.