#1
You chose to leave -
I'll not bid you goodbye.
A sorry, sorry exile.

Those shelves of yours,
dressed in pans and pots
can go with you;

we won't need them.
Those china dogs too,
dusty on the sill.

I'll not divorce you.
This heart knows
where it came from,

much like my sister's.
The thin red rope
will still be tugged,

pulled taught for attention.
There's university soon,
but first a year of to/fro,

though I suppose
it's not goodbye,

just a different hello.
Last edited by Jammydude44 at Nov 26, 2008,
#3
Much much much better than your last two or three of pieces. I adore the flow and the rhythm; it really is a treat when you get into it.
What I find more enjoyable and deep about this is that it doesn't seem to be centered around any particular word, idea, or method, it just comes out of you and there is no explaining it or defining it into a structured pattern, something more deciporable. It's just writing that means and feels whole and complete, ignoring the little things and stepping away from them, creating a bigger picture, something instantly recognizable and joyful to read - even though it's a depressing topic.

In fact, the more and more I read this, the more I become attached to it. Each sentence has a unique quality to it that seems finely picked and tuned to perfection. But it never seems stale because of that, it's still interesting and varying.

With something like this, there is very little I can add - maybe others can - I don't feel alterations or opinions on the specifics are particularly necessary, or would even add anything extra to this. It's good as it is. It's better than good.

Digitally Clean
#4
^+1

I really enjoy just reading this. Whether or not i understand all of it, it is really fun, and really enjoyable to read. The flow is magical, andsome of the wording is just brilliant. WEll done
#9
so i've not been on here for a while, and reading this made me realize that i really missed your words. this was lovely, love.
when birds flap their wings do the make believe they're really arms?
#10
Quote by BluePaintCult
I enjoyed this, until the less than satisfactory closer... my only qualm. The rest was bright but sombre, simplistic but original, relateable yet detached. Cheers on solid work.


Yeah the ending's a cop out, I'm surprised no-one else agreed to be honest. Good to see you around, however breif it may be.

You too Ray-Ray.

Thanks all.