#1
I wrote this song about 6 months ago now, i'm not too happy with some bits. Don't really like the first few riffs.

Anyway, mostly looking for some feedback here, i'm planning on uploading a few other songs as well. Tell me what y'all think.

Attachments:
First Song.zip
#2
You should definetly cut out the excess waste and try to focus only on the riffs you really like and develop them further (+ full scoring with bass and drums etc.).

I know it's good to challenge yourself, but this feels rather overstretched and shows that as of now you can't sustain this level of complexity, apart from a few good riffs, for very long without making it seem disjointed and letting things fall apart. Don't get me wrong, there are some real good nuggets in here, but it doesn't help them if they're encircled with less engaging fillers.

Especially for first songs I think it's better from both a listener's enjoyment-standpoint and more beneficial for your actual conscious development as a composer, that you rather focus on 2,3 really -strong- riff ideas, and make a simple engaging song from those, instead of falling in the trap of: "oh well hmm, I don't really like the halfdozen riffs I slapped together so far, they sound, I know what will help!.. Slap a dozen more halfbaked riffs after that! Surely that will salvage the song..".
Just like you don't try to run without having really learned how to walk at all beforehand (because you're more likely to fall flat), I'd advise starting out with making an engaging 2min song that you really like (and after that, a 3min song, then a 4min ...) instead of jumping ahead to a 8min song that neither you or the listener are satisfied with (and protip, that is exactly an indicator that you haven't really mastered the basics first).

The good parts show that you indeed can dish out some engaging riffs, so it should be even easier for you, and more rewarding for the audience, if you don't overstretch but play to what currently your strenghts are. I'm sure your next pieces will testify to that, so keep it up mate!
#3
First 2 riffs sounded almost like a blatant rip of Slayer.
I'm glad it picked up immediately after that though.
I see a lot of Sikth and Five Star Prison Cell, with a dash of Dream Theater.

With that said, the descending melodies get kinda tiresome. The structure is good, but the melodies up until bar 19. I like that top heavy riff. This is where I hear Sikth, with the random runs and tapping.
It's good, but then it really explodes at bar 41.
Awesome.

The return of the electric guitar at 79 is nicely done.

I'm not too fond of 98-108, but it's a good set-up for the riff.

The end had great cadence, something that lacks in a lot of other people's songs.

Overall, 8/10.
Your composition skills are good, but your some of the riffs too reminicent of your apparant influences.


C4C?
Try out ttttttttttt_2 or Malkeet.
I think you'll like those.
#4
Quote by Ailes
You should definetly cut out the excess waste and try to focus only on the riffs you really like and develop them further (+ full scoring with bass and drums etc.).

I know it's good to challenge yourself, but this feels rather overstretched and shows that as of now you can't sustain this level of complexity, apart from a few good riffs, for very long without making it seem disjointed and letting things fall apart. Don't get me wrong, there are some real good nuggets in here, but it doesn't help them if they're encircled with less engaging fillers.

Especially for first songs I think it's better from both a listener's enjoyment-standpoint and more beneficial for your actual conscious development as a composer, that you rather focus on 2,3 really -strong- riff ideas, and make a simple engaging song from those, instead of falling in the trap of: "oh well hmm, I don't really like the halfdozen riffs I slapped together so far, they sound, I know what will help!.. Slap a dozen more halfbaked riffs after that! Surely that will salvage the song..".
Just like you don't try to run without having really learned how to walk at all beforehand (because you're more likely to fall flat), I'd advise starting out with making an engaging 2min song that you really like (and after that, a 3min song, then a 4min ...) instead of jumping ahead to a 8min song that neither you or the listener are satisfied with (and protip, that is exactly an indicator that you haven't really mastered the basics first).

The good parts show that you indeed can dish out some engaging riffs, so it should be even easier for you, and more rewarding for the audience, if you don't overstretch but play to what currently your strenghts are. I'm sure your next pieces will testify to that, so keep it up mate!



Cheers man, some good criticism. I have actually written a few shorter 3 minute songs that i'm a lot happier with, I didn't really think much about tranistions and such in this song, but i'm still quite happy with it.

As for drums and bass, I havn't thought about them at all. I really don;t know enough about either to feel confident writing with them.

As for the idea with 2 or 3 really stong riff ideas, i'm not sure I could do that, I have a very short attention span...
Last edited by lukephillips000 at Nov 26, 2008,
#5
Quote by huevos
First 2 riffs sounded almost like a blatant rip of Slayer.
I'm glad it picked up immediately after that though.
I see a lot of Sikth and Five Star Prison Cell, with a dash of Dream Theater.

With that said, the descending melodies get kinda tiresome. The structure is good, but the melodies up until bar 19. I like that top heavy riff. This is where I hear Sikth, with the random runs and tapping.
It's good, but then it really explodes at bar 41.
Awesome.

The return of the electric guitar at 79 is nicely done.

I'm not too fond of 98-108, but it's a good set-up for the riff.

The end had great cadence, something that lacks in a lot of other people's songs.

Overall, 8/10.
Your composition skills are good, but your some of the riffs too reminicent of your apparant influences.


C4C?
Try out ttttttttttt_2 or Malkeet.
I think you'll like those.



It's funny you should say that about SikTh, because I hadn't actually heard of them when I wrote this, i'm a big fan now though. Five Star Prison Cell I havn't heard of at all and am going to go look them up :p

I pretty much don't really like the song up until bar 19, so I agree with you.

About to check out a couple of your songs...
#6
Quote by lukephillips000
Cheers man, some good criticism. I have actually written a few shorter 3 minute songs that i'm a lot happier with, I didn't really think much about tranistions and such in this song, but i'm still quite happy with it.

As for drums and bass, I havn't thought about them at all. I really don;t know enough about either to feel confident writing with them.

As for the idea with 2 or 3 really stong riff ideas , i'm not sure I could do that, I have a very short attention span...


I would say that transitions were quite strong.
I was a little bit peeved about how well this song flowed, so I focused more on the negative aspects (if that makes any sense).

The 2 or 3 strong riffs only work on shorter, concise songs. Prog and avant-garde epics don't follow any traditional structure. They could be one strong idea, or a vast amount of riffs.
I mention prog and avant because this song has a lot of those elements in it. Don't make concessions to the listener. Better yet, don't force concessions out. If you feel like making a giddy accessible pop song, try to make it as natural as possible.
The same applies if your gunna make some brutal metal.

You have some novel ideas. If you tighten them up in your future songs, you could be a force to be reckoned.
Actually, I came back to check if you where gunna post some new songs.
If you do, place them in your sig so I could check them out.