#1
This is my fifth writing I believe and it's not that great which is why I would really appreciate crit, i will as always return the favor. this song is about a band that broke up but recently started talking again.
______
Hello there, I'm just stopping in for a while to see you smile,
it's been a while since we've talked like this
And I am trying to see past what's been done, the fights were dumb,
and it's been too long that's what I think
But what about the punk rock, and every thing we dreamed of
Lifes passing us by, we've drifted apart, but everyone's gotta grow up sometime
That's what we've been told, this ****'s so old

And now you're there, and I'm over here
What the hell have we done
This never was the intention we just grew apart
And here we are let's start again
Life's way too short

Thinking back over the lives we had, it's been too long since we've talked like this
We couldn't wait to break free of the shackles that they tried to put on us,
it was so fun
And then we turned our heads, and alked away thousands of people at the wait
but everybody's got to grow up simetime, that's what we've been told,
this ****'s so old

And now you're there, and I'm over here
What the hell have we done
This never was the intention we just grew apart
And here we are let's start again
Life's too short
#2
Sorry, really tired.
Repetition of "while" in L1 and 2 was annoying. I like the assonance idea you where working at along with "smile", but yeah, the repetition didn't work. I think change the while in L1, so keeping the smile-while.

I'm intrigued, what band is this?
#4
Hmm...to me, the chorus doesn't flow very well. Maybe add a touch of rhyme? The 'life's too short' line is a bit lacking, i think.
Otherwise good. Nice word choice, you got your point across well.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1007738
Gear:
Agile Ash RB 828
Schecter C-7 (old 90s style headstock)
Handbuilt 6-string V
Handbuilt Baritone scale 6 string Iceman-copy
Pod HD300
#6
hmmm... just throwing some thoughts out there, but i kinda feel like it could use another verse, or a variation on the chorus. but its up to you...

"and alked away thousands of people at the wait"
im assuming walked away thousands of people at the wait, wait could (maybe) be gate, and there could be a 'from' in there?

i like it alot. twould be cool to here it recorded. is teh band the Police?
#8
I like the tone the beginning of each verse sets, but aside from that, I think you could have capture the emotions in a band, and its subsequent breakup better. Other than that, your style is effective and your flow steady. Is the band guns n roses? not really back together haha but released a new CD
#9
no the band is blink-182 i guess i thought that it would be obvious because there was an article posted on ug and the title was blink. but anyways thanks for the crit