#1
Songbirds will sing your name
And float it upon the wind
Alongside their cavalier wings
Into the sky of wondrous 'morrow

The moons of pain,
Which dance with the world
Will steadily wax and wane

As your sunrise eyes
Push them along
The orbit of my life

Forever reducing their waves
Into drops of rain
In the eternal pool of providence

The craters of lunar lovers
Shall be seeded from your tears
Wild flowers and black magnolias
The Eden of your loneliest years
My lips kiss your pale heart smile
Silencing the cries of your past
We laugh in the shifting sands of desire
As it settles into glass

Unfurl the sails of your soul
And let the traveling winds lead
For no lovers on the worn path of nature
Are as happy as we forever will be
#3
this is really beautiful. the imagery washed over me a little to much at the end, but at the heart of it this is an excellent piece. 'the craters of lunar lovers' is just an exceptional line
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#4
I'm surprisingly content with this. Very nice job, I don't typically see things here on ug that impress me. But good job 10/10. Some semi-cliche things, but I enjoy stuff like that, good job.
#6
nniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccccceeee ........... now crit mine please.


jk. but thats pretty well done. consistent the whole way through. good job.
#7
VERY strong poem. excellent!
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#8
beautiful

speechlessly so.

it sounds like an Elbow song if I may say - which is a bloody good thing, considering their lyricist is a judge for the Ivor Novello awards.

Great wrk mate!! 5 starts.
#9
There is so much I like about this.

The illiteration, the rhymes and half rhymes, the rhythm, the imagery, the actual language used! Beautiful writing.