#1
And I really like her.

No, just kidding. There's a squirrel that lives in my attic. And it chews on the wood up there. Now, it would be one thing if this was the first time this had happened. Nope, same deal happened last fall. Last time, I trapped the little bugger and relocated him to the park. But now it/another one is back.

So, doctors, relationship experts, and scientists of the pit, any ideas for winning the war? I'm almost considering catching this one and painting its tail orange, so if it comes back, I'll interrogate it.

NOTE: Please nothing to hurt the squirrels. They's be cool too, y'know.
Quote by jetfuel495
that is one goddamn shiny mother****ing toaster you have there
Quote by Dog--
It seems the top of those waffles are burnt.
Quote by imdeth
The toast has little red arrows growing from it. Nobody wants that.

SHUDDUP AND EAT YER TOAST
#2
give him peanuts and name him based on his colour, mine's name is grey
#3
dress as a squirrel and infiltrate HIS tree. And start biting his stuff so he gets annoyed and realizes what a dick he was. Success.
Quote by metabolicmaggot
Win. +1 cookie for hide the beer.

#4
Spray paint it's tail, and release it into the wild. Even if it's not the same squirrel that comes back, spray paint the new one's tail. Repeat with each new squirrel, and soon your city will be overrun with orange tailed squirrels.
Quote by Tire Me.
Raping her in front of other people would be morally wrong.

Quote by Bubbles516
wtf290 uses make bubbles feel like crap
Its super effective!
#5
Set up a couple of claymores near the attic entrance. Have a couple of gerbils dig several trench lines behind the claymores MAKE SURE THE CLAYMORES ARE FACING THE ENEMY'S DIRECTION!
Set up a marble artillary position behind the trenchlines and wait for the enemy. When you hear the bugle call it means your troops must fall back.
#6
Relationship thread?
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#7
Quote by ToastYerLicks
And I really like her.

No, just kidding. There's a squirrel that lives in my attic. And it chews on the wood up there. Now, it would be one thing if this was the first time this had happened. Nope, same deal happened last fall. Last time, I trapped the little bugger and relocated him to the park. But now it/another one is back.

So, doctors, relationship experts, and scientists of the pit, any ideas for winning the war? I'm almost considering catching this one and painting its tail orange, so if it comes back, I'll interrogate it.

NOTE: Please nothing to hurt the squirrels. They's be cool too, y'know.


don't know why but i found that extremely funny lmao
#8
Seduce it into thinking your a sexy squirrel hooker. Then trap it under your G string and take it back to the park.


P.S. take off hooker outfit before going to park.
Sail upon the open skies
#9
put a PA system up there....plug your guitar in and follow the next three steps in the order that they appear.
1. Shred the riffs
2. Thump the bass
3.Blast that solid christian rock

If you do these 3 things you will have a deaf and confused little religious squirrel...its a win
#10
Quote by Altoidwithmelon
put a PA system up there....plug your guitar in and follow the next three steps in the order that they appear.
1. Shred the riffs
2. Thump the bass
3.Blast that solid christian rock

If you do these 3 things you will have a deaf and confused little religious squirrel...its a win



Why do you keep saying that!?
Sail upon the open skies
#13
Quote by wtf290
Spray paint it's tail, and release it into the wild. Even if it's not the same squirrel that comes back, spray paint the new one's tail. Repeat with each new squirrel, and soon your city will be overrun with orange tailed squirrels.

This.
#14
Stick your dingus inside of it.
All your base are belong to us.
All your base are belong to us.
All your base are belong to us.
All your base are belong to us.
#15
Quote by dark&broken
Why don't you just take advantage and have it chew on your wood?

How much could it hurt?



I c wut u did thar.
Sail upon the open skies
#16
Quote by angusfan16
Seduce it into thinking your a sexy squirrel hooker. Then trap it under your G string and take it back to the park.


P.S. take off hooker outfit before going to park.

I think the whole situation would be a lot more interesting if you didn't change before going to the park.
Quote by Tire Me.
Raping her in front of other people would be morally wrong.

Quote by Bubbles516
wtf290 uses make bubbles feel like crap
Its super effective!
#18
Catch another wild squirrell and have them fight to the death. Repeat until you have a squirrell bloodbath in your attic, or until you run out of wild squirrells.
Quote by crazy8rgood
This, stockylachy, if i was a woman, i would want you to have my babies...

Wait...
#19
1. Set up a squad of gerbils to guard the perimeter.
2. Get a hawk to be your eye in the sky. [get 6, and work them in 4 hour shifts for maximum efficeincy]
3. When caught, as stated in a post above, dye the tail bright orange. No one can harbor one with the orange mark
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#21
Get naked and erect, then chase it around your house while making pig noises, it will think twice about coming back.

This also works for Jehovas Witnesses, Grandparents and door to door sales people
I've Made You A Drawing of a Giraffe Fucking an Elephant. Notice How His Moustache Looks Just Like Mine.

Your Mother's Got a Penis
#22
Just set up your amp in the attic and Thump the bass, shred the riffs.... erm wait.

Yeah, set up your amp, crank it, and blast out some metal/loud fast riffs every day. The squirrel will think some loud noisy monster lives up there and will run the feck out.
-Guitar Gear-
1995 American Fender Strat, EMG 85 pup
Randall RH200 Head
Marshall 1960a Cab
Woods Acoustic
-Bass Gear-
Spector Legend 4 bass
Washburn Bantam bass
Hartke HA2500
Fender Bassman 410H
Play what you love, love what you play
#23
You like a squirell?

Dude, ewww.
Ego inflating praise here:
Quote by Fishyesque
That is SOOOOOOOOOOO sig worthy! Pure awesomeness to you, sir.

C wut I did thar Fishy?

's UG