#1
Verse 1:
I held you close
and you abused me
i let you in
and you left me
i healed your wounds
and you broke my heart


Chorus:
You said you loved me
and i believed you
then you broke my heart



Verse 2:
you said you would be there
so i waited forever
and you never came
left me standin nowhere


Chorus
you said you loved me
and i believed you
now im left standin in
the rain.


what do you think my first song i know its not great
Last edited by wannabegtargod at Nov 28, 2008,
#2
to be honest, and given the feelings you have for this girl... U need to delvedeeper into your emotions and let the words come from within. Your heart doesn't speak in such literal terms so neither should your songwriting. Sorry ifthats harsh , I just think you can do better
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#3
I think you did a good job. Loved Verse 1. Verse 2 could be longer, try to expand and improve it a bit. But overall I thought you did good.
#4
I actually liked this quite a bit. The whole premise of the first verse drew me in. I especially liked the last two lines of the first verse. But I'm not too sure about the order of the first 4 lines. I think something like this would make a bit more sense: "I held you close/and you abused me/i let you in/and you left me. Verse 2 I don't think the last line is necessary. It's just too obvious and its already been established that the guy's heart was broken. The last two lines of last chours need to guy. That whole "standing in the rain" thing has been played out. Now, I really don't care if something is cliche or not, what bothers me about the rain line is that it comes out of nowhere. If you wanna keep that rain line I would suggest tying it into the rest of the piece better. Actually, I really think you could expand upon this piece. Its just too short, and I don't you say all that you could. Anyways, I love love songs and this was a good start. Keep on writing and I'm looking forward to seeing more from you.

Crit mine please
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