#1
Crit4Crit. I just put the title off the top of my head, but whatever. I really don't know how to feel about this one, I wrote it a month ago; spent 20 minutes on it one night when I couldn't get to sleep, then never looked at it again until now. Anyways, I know it gets repetitive, but whatever. It's to a mellow rhythm.

I'm not speaking offhand,
I'm really being sincere,
why don't you just tell me what you want to hear.

I wish it were simple,
like it seemed yesterday,
but I forgot everything that I was going to say.

But I've poured my heart out,
just to throw it away.
It's put me on the edge of tears, in it's way. (I also wrote, "all ****ing day", I don't know which one I meant...)

I've fallen to pieces,
please tell me what to do,
cuz there ain't nothing left of me to give to you.

I just hope you remember,
as we say our goodbyes,
that I tried.


I'm starting to see it,
so obviously,
it's all my fault for what's happened to me.

I never see somethings value,
til' I've thrown it away.
It's not til the night that I cherish the day.

It cuts like a knife,
the skin bleeds as it twists,
every time I see you, it tightens the grip.

Every card in the tower,
has fallen on me,
and yet for some reason, I can't find the queen. (I don't know what the hell I was thinking with this line...)

I just hope you remember,
as I look into your eyes,
that I tried.

I just hope you remember, as we both try not to cry,
that I've died.

If you hate it, just say so, so I know...
#2
"But I've poured my heart out,
just to throw it away."

This part is so close to a song I've heard before.
"A sense of purpose overrides reason."- Terry Goodkind

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace."-Jimi Hendrix


\,,/GETCHA PULL!!!\,,/
- the late and ever-loved "Dimebag" Darrell Lance Abbott
#3
i dont think it was bad.. i had the beat for "sorry" (new gnr song) in my head when i was readin it and it seemed to fit perfectly. personally, i like it.
Quote by humperdunk

So I just woke up sitting in my desk chair, with my bong on the desk in a bunch of little pieces and my hand super glued to my penis. Speculations as to what the hell just happened and how to unglue my hand from my member would be appreciated.
#4
Quote by atlasguitar
"But I've poured my heart out,
just to throw it away."

This part is so close to a song I've heard before.

What song? When I originally started, the reason I couldn't resist picking up the pen and paper was because there were a couple lines for Bleed It Out that just meant so much to me; I don't know how much that showed through as the song went on, but is that what you're thinking of?
#6
Quote by seventh_angel
I just think this is cliché... Sorry dude. lines like "I've fallen to pieces" or "It cuts like a knife" are terribly overused, imo... Thank for getting into mine, and keep on writing !

Yeah, that's what I thought. I just wrote on a vague idea, without really thinking about it.
#7
I don't know why, but through the whole thing Glycerine by Bush was playing in my head.
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#9
Quote by atlasguitar
"But I've poured my heart out,
just to throw it away."

This part is so close to a song I've heard before.


Yes I thought that !

"can you take it all away
well you shoved it my face" Puddle of mud - Blurry

Not an exact anti-social but it reminded exactly of this song ! and i can only imagine this song sang in his fashion.
#10
Quote by SuperJoop
Yes I thought that !

"can you take it all away
well you shoved it my face" Puddle of mud - Blurry

Not an exact anti-social but it reminded exactly of this song ! and i can only imagine this song sang in his fashion.

I've heard part of that song in a commercial, but I don't think it was that part.