#1
just thought i'd get some feedback on lyrics I wrote for my band, 7th Period English. The first song is called Redline. It's fast, hard, and the solos will bite your head off. I'm actually still not sure what this is about, and I wrote it! The main idea is it's about the protagonist of the album getting on a train from California to be with his girlfriend in New Jersey The main lick is very reminiscent of the intro riff of Caught in a Mosh by anthrax:

Redline
-------------------------------------
(Verse 1)
I got a pocket full of pills and a head full of songs
got a backpack filled with music just to move the time along
Got a girl back in Jersey with a heart made of stone
Gonna think about nothing cuz I'm finally alone
I've got a blunt in my hand, thinking about rocking with my band
And i've got nothing to lose, and nothing to gain

(chorus)
I'm on the Red Line
I'm on the Red Line
(x2)

(Verse 2)
Parents back in Cali don't know that I'm alive
And I've got six hours left on this goddamn ride
We're gonna fly right off the tracks
Because their's no more turning back
Cuz now all I know how is how to die

(chorus)

(solos 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)


(Reeling it back in, RB bridge riff, 1 + minor 3rd power chord)
We're gonna fly right off the tracks
Because their's no turning back
This crazy train's gonna crash

I've got the scars to prove
and I've got nothing to lose
So let's run this f*cker off the rails

Got the world wizzin by
at 105
and there's nothing else I'd rather do

Got Mary Jane on my side
On this Mother F*cking ride
And it's time that I smoke this out

(chorus)
(instrumental outtro)
-----------------------------------
The second song is much mellower, it's a very long story, but, long story short, It's about a fight me and my GF had. it's rightfully titled "I'm sorry".

I'm Sorry
-------------------
(slowly, heartfelt)
I've know a girl back in Jersey who's a rockstar
A girl who loves to play her guitar
One day she's gonna make it big
but till then she's got a Broken heart

(school bell rings, drums kick in, tempo increases, more upbeat, each

sylable being about one beat, () denotes counter melody)

We met up in school (we were the new kids)
She was the only one (that I knew there)
But a few years later (a few years later)
we got to know each other

She likes Fall Out Boy (I like Slayer)
She has her own friends (and I have mine)
We only have one class together
but that class sucks everytime


She knows the latest fashion
and I'm stuck in '99
She's never hates anyone
and I do it all the time
If i could take it back
at any cost
i'd do it in an instant
instead im using this song


*chorus*

and I'm sorry I caused you pain
sorry I disgraced your name

and I'm sorry that I caused you pain
and i hope that memory will not remain

You were as nice as you could be
and I was the one who set you up to hate me

*verse 2*

Than recently (at a party)
I lied to get ahead (at the expense of my friend)
i regret it every day
because this lie sent you away

I realize now that what I did
was something that should be reserved
for my enemies and the haters
not to those which it is undeserved

she was my one true friend
who stuck with me through thick and thin
but one stupid thought
ended it all with a shot to the heart
(gunshot)

*chorus*

and I'm sorry I caused you pain
sorry I disgraced your name

and I'm sorry that I caused you pain
and i hope that memory will not remain

You were as nice as you could be
and I was the one who set you up to hate me

(mellow solos, using many major 3rds)


and I'm sorry I caused you pain
sorry I disgraced your name

and I'm sorry that I caused you pain
and i hope that memory will not remain

You were as nice as you could be
and I was the one who set you up to hate me

-------------------------------------

Ok. i have one more part of a song. This one's about my high school English class: it's the worst class in the history of ever. the teacher's o.k., but it's the people who are in it: everyone in my band is in the class, and we talk to each other constantly, and our class never gets anything done. It's complete f*cking insanity. The song's called 7th period english, but its not done yet. here's all i have:

7th Period English
---------------------------
(RATM LIKE DD RIFF, SLOW VOCALS)

It's my last class of the day
It makes my life fade from black to gray
and it's the only class where I can be myself
-----------------

please tell me what you think. be honest, even if that means ripping me a new lyrical @$$hole.

Jack