#1
C4C (leave link)


I wish I could heal you with a touch, or caress you
like I wish I would save you, with what I have left
of a wish granted at birth, to give my life for a loved
one; to die in her arms and sleep tight in her soul,
on the warmest corner you kept free just for me.
In foetal position, a small version from you
would hug your heart and soothe at your beat.

If a lullaby would calm you, I would compose
one that could harmonize with every breath;
not a note, but a sound so perfect to me,
when you fall asleep grabbed to my lap.
Then I would leave, with my guitar on my back,
walking on the path from your eyes to your head,
and form an atmosphere to scare away any nightmare.

In the morning we would be with our noses on each other,
and our legs intertwined so we’d never freeze.
I’d massage your neck, kiss it all around,
and serve our breakfast while you were still in bed;
with a toast that would never let your spirit cold,
and a sunrise that would burn all the pain inside,
we'd have plenty much to live until dying old.
Last edited by seventh_angel at Dec 1, 2008,
#3
If this is about what I think it's about - not sex! - then I like it. If it's not, I don't like it.

All I have to say...
#4
it's great, really.
Quote by megadeth rule
how do you trip on acid? was your shoelace untied?


Quote by perry589
Mikko, you remind me of a clogged up toilet. You're the poo that won't go away.
#6
I love how each verse is characterized by a different topic. The second verse is my favorite, with the harmonizing lullaby and guitar. Throughout the whole song you make some pretty original ideas, like the wish granted at birth. Also, the atmosphere to scare any nightmare is beautiful. And finally, the lullaby not being a note but a sound is touching...talking about the feel of a thing instead of it's defined existence. I really don't see much room for improvement.

heres mine https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=17353936#post17353936
#7
Quote by seventh_angel
C4C (leave link)


I wish I could heal you with a touch, or caress you
like I wish I would save you, with the rest I have left maybe "what" instead of "the rest". "The rest i have left" is terrible grammar
of a wish granted at birth, to give my life for a loved
one; to die in her arms and sleep tight in her soul,
on the warmest corner you kept free just for me.
In foetal position, a small version from you
would hug your heart and soothe at your beat. This is beautiful, probably the best i've ever read from you. Ever. Powerful stuff, especially "or caress you like i wish i would save you". That's really amazing stuff

If a lullaby would calm you, I would compose
one that could harmonize with every breath;
not a note, but a sound so perfect to me,
when you fall asleep grabbed to my lap.
Then I would leave, with my guitar on my back,
walking on the path from your eyes to your head,
and form an atmosphere to scare away any nightmare. i can't say anything except, WOW! Amazing

In the morning we would be with our noses on each other,
and our legs intertwined so we’d never freeze.
I’d massage your neck, kiss it all around,
and serve our breakfast while you were still in bed;
with a toast that would never let your spirit cold,
and a sunrise that would burn all the pain inside,
we'd have plenty much to live until dying old.


This was incredible, Andre, unbelievably incredible. So poerful and moving. You've shrugged off your weighty metaphors and cmoplex images for a hard-cutting honest piece, which just rips at your heart strings. Well done, I cannot find anything wrong with this. Whoever your writing about is very lucky, this reminded me of how i feel about my girlfriend. Well done, again.
#8
It's got some awkward wording at times.

But for the most part I feel you. It's good, I enjoyed it very much.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#10
A little too.... mushy, for my taste, but it's good. I like it; it shows just how much you can care for someone, how much you can want to help them. For Crit4Crit, it's in the bottom of my sig.