#1
I was a man
but I knew she was still a girl
I had gave her a gift
and inside it was the world
she tore away the wrapping
and ripped the box too
left her the receipt
I didn't think she'd take it back so soon

blessings in disguise
new roads are opened
'cause i'm not walking on your lies
and so it seems the sparkle, i seen in your eyes
was just a reflection
of the nearing tears in mine

it felt like an eternity
to lay the foundation of certainty
but oh how a kingdom can crumble
if there is but one fault at it's core
the roof had caved in, fell right through the floor
subtle it seems, the flaws in our design
i was too oblivious
i never catch these things in time

blessings in disguise
new roads are opened
'cause i'm not walking on your lies
and so it seems the sparkle, i seen in your eyes
was just a reflection
of the nearing tears in mine

and as i stand in front of
our pile i rubble
i pick threw the pieces
so cheap, a structure forced
you were never worth the trouble
and just as a phoenix
rises from the ashes
i forget the memories
so i can come out on top
but oh i know, i know
you will always remember me
My gear
Ibanez RG7321
Jackson Warrior WRXT *FS/FT*
Jasmine J35
Squier Fender P-Bass
Ibanez TBX150H
Crate 4x12
Fender Rumble 60


Part of UG's 7 STRING LEGION
#2
without the music it sounds like an awkward poem...u have any written?
"Spin the middle side topwise. Topwise!"

"And there's Jimmy Page, the biggest thief of American Blues music"
#3
It was good, but limited by the forced rhymes.

I'd suggest, for future pieces, writing without any rhyme pattern/scheme/at all, as you have demonstrated quite clearly your abilities as a writer.

Stop hiding, be proud.

C4C? Link in sig, Rest In Piece.
#4
Haha wdf?

I sang at as a song, and it only stopped like that at the last bit.

I thought it was good as a song,

But now I look it seems so much more like a poem xD

Good work
#5
Blehh, forget what I said, bad mood. I really like this after reading it a second time over.