#3
The rhymes made it horribly cheesy, something you don't want to do with a subject like this (I actually lol'd at some points).

"The bullet was lodged in my chest and knee" Is just wrong.
How can one bullet be lodged in two different body parts? Plurality, please.

I also don't like the constant repetition of the word "blood" in the chorus, it's just unnecessary.

All in all, I didn't like it, the rhymes ruined it and made it all childish. Try writing without rhymes and see what you get.

C4C? link in sig, Rest In Piece.