#1
an exercise in sentimentality, it's been a year of birth. to joshua and wyatt. c4c. ots.

"for innocence and all her boring friends"

flowers blooming inside her chest,
and the swirling stream of love and flesh
giving birth to beautiful weakness.
eyes unmet with all the stares he'll ever get.
all the stars he'll live to see,
when i've become a rush of dust in a golden sea.
i've named constellations he'll someday lay beneath
on a hill with a lover and maybe he'll sing some
song that i wrote or played or hummed or dreamed
and he'll know that she means everything.
like his mother did when she was beautiful and young
and those same july sparks would cast a sad twinkle
in her pale blue eyes. this is where the wild things are.
this is where he'll find his frail-beating heart
will slow and stop and never start again,
and that is when he'll understand that i've already
given my only gift. a sick child bathed in all the love
that a sick man could ever give.
#2
this brought a tear to my eye, it was so beautiful. YOu are a truly amazing writer. Thank you for writing this.
#4
this is absolutely gorgeous.
at first it didnt hit me, but all at once, like a warm wave....
jesus man, youve got a gift


not to say your mackin on jeff mangum, but this has a tingle of Neutral Milk Hotel in it (only a good thing)

i wont even ask for a c4c, because i dont think i can crit this
~b
#5
it's funny because i was thinking about jeff mangum's wonderfully visceral imagery of birth in oh comely before i started writing this, i'm glad it translated without coming off as a complete rip off. also, if you drop a link, no promises, but i may have a look at your piece anyway, what with flattery being the fastest way to my ego-cushioned heart.
#8
you have my word that i'll return that, god knows i owe you more than i can count on both hands.
#9
i've named constellations he'll someday lay beneath
on a hill with a lover and maybe he'll sing some
song that i wrote or played or hummed or dreamed
and he'll know that she means everything.

i really didn't like that, at all.
rest of it was kinda dreamy and there was a distinct style to it.
some of the rhymes in the first part did seem forced, but in that way that you know it'd sound good sung and was probably written due to that.
or something.
good job.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#10
if your bored hit "billy collins" while you're waiting, otherwise it should be up within 24 hours