#1
I'm working on a short story. Gist of it: Normally nonviolent guy hits his girlfriend when things are at their worst, and its his quest to at least attain her forgiveness (even if she doesn't take him back)

Background info:

1st year community college students.

She was abused by her dad until the main character, one year before the story, beat him to a pulp and put a stop to it. Police never got involved. Main character also endured physical bullying up until 3 years before the story.

They were friends since elementary...only after the guy beat her father did they become BF/GF.

Twist at the end: The reason the two's relationship was turning hateful up to the point of the violent act because the girl's father had actually started beating her again, and she didnt say anything....he finds out at the end, and he feels even worse for what he did.

The main complaints of my first draft was that he got off the hook too easy. I'm trying to think of further punishment/torment to be inflicted upon him before he even deserves a chance. Another suggestion needed is how he should act when he finds out that the girl's dad has started the abuse again. Mind, his reaction will serve as part of the reason she considers forgiving him, so it has to be....genuine.


*Mind you, the main character knows how badly he messed up, given both of their backgrounds. He is truly sorry....and as far as I, the writer knows, he's never going to do it again. May sound a bit idealistic....but there are people out there who never repeat their most heinous mistakes

*I do not condone abuse in any way. I am not trying to justify the guy hitting his girlfriend....I'm trying to find a genuine way for him to earn her forgiveness without feeling like I'm copping out.
#2
Sounds interesting

Hope the actual story makes sence though,
a little lost.....
#4
im not sure I believe that a normally non violent guy would beat a man to a pulp, especially for someone that he wasnt seeing....
#5
Quote by Le_Bunny
Plothole: if the girl is beaten by her father, would she realistically be so harsh on her boyfriend? In my mind such a character would loathe themselves due to past abuse, and take the hit from the boyfriend. Iunno.



Hmm....I dont know. After all, the guy is the one who made the abuse stop, at least for a while, so you could say she holds him up as a savior. When her dad started beating her again, you could say that despite her not saying anything, she could have been hoping for him to do something again.....and when the guy hit her, you could say she felt extremely betrayed of her expectation of him.
#6
Quote by Myles87
im not sure I believe that a normally non violent guy would beat a man to a pulp, especially for someone that he wasnt seeing....



Yes, not seeing, but they've been friends since childhood.
#7
Quote by Always-Ben
Hmm....I dont know... [...]


Ok so it was a but TL so I DR properly.
Maybe the redemption for the boyfriend could be that he elaborately framed the girl's father to send him off to jail... or just report his abuse. In a way the father is locked away and the girl doesn't have to deal with it or testfy... maybe.
#8
Uh, the stupid girl should just rub it better and move on.

He should totally hit her in such a manner that it renders her infertile and he feels all bad. Then she won't look like such a weakling.
XIAOXI
#9
Quote by Abunai X
Uh, the stupid girl should just rub it better and move on.

He should totally hit her in such a manner that it renders her infertile and he feels all bad. Then she won't look like such a weakling.



The girl in my story (in image and non story-related characteristics, at least) is a combination of three of the closest lady friends I have---so no
#11
Make it so the guy can't live with himself (literally) and she forgives him (leaves a message on his phone or the like) but only after its too late(so she forgives hime before she knows). Irony is good

Edit: I tend to like happy endings better, but people who consider themselves to be 'cultured' or whatever usually praise sad, ironic endings so...
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Quote by handbanana
wiliscool is just plain dumb
Last edited by wiliscool at Nov 30, 2008,
#12
Quote by wiliscool
Make it so the guy can't live with himself (literally) and she forgives him (leaves a message on his phone or the like) but only after its too late(so she forgives hime before she knows). Irony is good

Edit: I tend to like happy endings better, but people who consider themselves to be 'cultured' or whatever usually praise sad, ironic endings so...



Aw man, that's a good idea, but the last two stories I've written have ended with the main character's death....I wanna try and go happy with this one.
#13
Quote by Always-Ben
Aw man, that's a good idea, but the last two stories I've written have ended with the main character's death....I wanna try and go happy with this one.

Yeah, you could start a new movement of stories with happy endings
Member of the official GB&C "Who to Listen to" list
Quote by handbanana
wiliscool is just plain dumb