#1
I wrote this story just for kicks, now im getting it published in my schools literary magazine. I have no idea for a title and some suggestions would be nice. Any feedback (good or bad, im a big boy, I can take it) would also be appreciated.

As the frosty chill invades my body, I slide deeper into my jacket and attempt to pull the zipper up even higher around my neck. I lean back against the wall of snow and ice in this hole in the ground I have dug and thought back to the events that had led me here. The holes in my gloves that I obtained sliding down the jagged rocks after the avalanche did not make burrowing through the snow any easier. I had to pause on several occasions as my fingertips began to become frostbitten. My home for now, dug out of this frozen hell with my own hands, my only shelter from the brutal cold, was my cocoon and almost assuredly my coffin.

The day had started so well, as many tragedies do, with a casual hike through the rocks and the snow. Our heavy boots sunk deep into the frost, allowing us to walk across dangerous slopes as we headed through the mountain range. Our goal was a small camp run by the company that owned this section of the range who sold passes to those wanting to venture into the wild. While many hikers would scoff at us for taking a hike on a mountain that was operated by a company only interested in profits, we were seeking only an interesting way to spend the weekend and not a challenging climb. We took our time crossing the large snow covered mountain side, going at whatever pace was necessary for everyone to enjoy themselves. I had invited my brother along for the weekend and as we had both been avid soccer players we always headed the group, occasionally annoyed at having to stop completely for some of the slower group members. As the sun beat down on us, we began to sweat heavily and discarded much of our outer layers of snow gear. The temperature seemed much higher than it should be for this time of the year, but we did not worry. However, the sun’s rays did seem to be affecting the snow as the top few inches had begun to melt, causing a few of us to lose our footing from time to time as the ice slid.

Bending over to adjust the straps across the top of my boots, I heard a scream. The slush and snow slid beneath us as our entire group began to slide down the side of the mountain. As I was tumbling on top the rush of snow, I saw that the entire top of the mountain had begun to fall on top of us. Sliding on my stomach, I attempted to dig my hands and feet into the ground as I rode the waves of snow down the mountain side; this caused me to catch in the ground and flip end over end down towards the bottom. The next four hours or so are black in my memory. I awoke with the sun about to set under the mountain tops as I brushed the powder off of my face as I stood. The sharp pain in my ankle caused me to wince and limp, but I was able to block it out as my first and only priority then was to find the others that had been taken to the bottom with me. The setting sun allowed me to see off in the distance further than I could earlier in the day due to the fact there was no glare off of the snow. I noticed my backpack had been ripped from me during the fall but was not worried about it at the time. I noticed just behind me was a small patch of trees that had a few knocked over during the avalanche. I saw what appeared to be a bright orange jacket, the same color as my brother’s, whom I had coaxed into this adventure.

I approached the downed trees with caution as I was able to see that it was in fact my brother face down in the snow, pinned under a large limb. I mustered all of my strength to roll the limb of off his chest and noticed he was still breathing. I called his name and he responded as I drug him slowly through the upturned evergreens and to where I had originally awoken. I remembered the snow was rather soft and deep where I had landed after the fall and began to dig a hole into the snow, much like I had seen on those wilderness survival shows on the Discovery Channel. Never in a thousand life times would I have ever thought I would be using survival tips from television in real life. We settled into the snow cave (as much a cave as a matchbox car is a monster truck) for the night. I ignored the hunger pains as I tended to my brother. His breathing had slowed and his skin grew cold, so I removed my jacket and wrapped him in it as he began to cough. His coughing worsened and blood began to fill his mouth. I held him tight as he coughed one last time and ceased to breathe. I rolled him over and removed my jacket and some of his clothing from him for myself; I had a long night ahead.

I could only sleep for minutes at a time then I would wake to a bone chilling frost and the sight of my brother. My eyes would water, but I could cry no tears as they froze before they rolled down my cheek. The dawn broke to my blurred eyes. I could now count the third day I had been in the cave simply sitting, losing the will to leave or live. However, I could not ignore my hunger anymore. As if being snowed in the cave had awoken a primal urge inside me, one not seen by most humans since the time of dinosaurs, I pulled my knife and my small Zippo lighter from the picket inside my jacket. I removed the slices of meat slowly, piece by piece, and cooked them over the lighter. My only sustenance, my brother.
/SG/
"In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."
#2
Name it tl;dr
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Portugal. The Man »–
#3
edit wow omg i cant read all of this
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#6
The night My Nipples could cut glass
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I thought the whole idea of post-hardcore was to mix techno and hardcore.....
#7
Call it

"Nails in my Palms: The Last Memoirs of Jesus Christ"
Gear:
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Epiphone Les Paul standard
Cheapo Yamaha nylon string
even more cheapo Fender steel string acoustic
#8
On the Noble Art of Cannibalism
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#12
Quote by ExtremeMetalFTW
On the Noble Art of Cannibalism

I actually like this. thank you for being serious about it and acutally helping. any other ideas?

Also, if i could go to a coinstar and redeem my 1000 internet for a gift card or something i would gladly name it tl;dr
/SG/
"In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."
#13


Wait, he becomes a cannibal after only three days?! Geez, there would probably still be people searching for him.

Imagine how embarrassing it would be found by your rescuers and you're chewing on an arm. They'd be like, "Dude! It's been three days, you can't be that hungry!"
#14
Quote by Trefellin


Wait, he becomes a cannibal after only three days?! Geez, there would probably still be people searching for him.

Imagine how embarrassing it would be found by your rescuers and you're chewing on an arm. They'd be like, "Dude! It's been three days, you can't be that hungry!"

Point taken, might change it to something more like 6 or 7 days
/SG/
"In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."
#15
Quote by moomoocons
Point taken, might change it to something more like 6 or 7 days


Start a thread about how many days it would take before you'd eat the dead. Then find the average and use it in the story.
#16
Quote by Trefellin
Start a thread about how many days it would take before you'd eat the dead. Then find the average and use it in the story.


Im guessing longer than 6-7 ....maybe 15 days ?
#17
Those last few lines are the most disturbed i have ever read...

That's horrific.
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afterward i thought about it and was like "wow, i just jerked off to a chubby girl sucking off a horse. i'm disgusting".

then i watched that segment again
#19
cannibalism is not something one "resorts" to. It's a life choice, much like veganism...only much more tasty.
#20
Call it "Thank you, my brother"
BTW- Avalanches happen when there is weaker snow beneath heavier snow, not vice versa (sorry if you already know this, but this is the idea I got form the story). And what ever happened to the rest of the group? Why doesn't he just et out of the whole?
I Want One!!!

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Last edited by Salute to Jaco at Nov 30, 2008,
#22
Quote by flightless bird
cannibalism is not something one "resorts" to. It's a life choice, much like veganism...only much more tasty.

not true. there are plenty of stories of stranded people eating the dead in order to survive when it is the only food source available.
/SG/
"In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."
#25
Quote by moomoocons
not true. there are plenty of stories of stranded people eating the dead in order to survive when it is the only food source available.

he was trying to be funny
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#26
BTW- Avalanches happen when there is weaker snow beneath heavier snow, not vice versa (sorry if you already know this, but this is the idea I got form the story). And what ever happened to the rest of the group? Why doesn't he just et out of the whole?

Thank you for this. I was not aware thats how it worked

Sorry for missing the humor, my bad.

Also, poster above me was right, dont need to spoil the ending with the title haha
/SG/
"In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."
#27
"Bending over to adjust the straps across the top of my boots"

Man, glance and copypaste is the ONLY way to go.
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