#1
Iv wrote this for my girlfreind im not used to song writing but i would like some "Talented" writers to tell me what they think


For some time now I’ve been trying to say.
Exactly how I feel but sometimes I give in
And all I seem to do is cause hurt and sin
But im keeping my promise today
Now and forever
Im here to stay

Did I ever tell you
When I look into your eyes, your world falls into my hands
You may call me crazy or not know what to say
But im trying to help you understand
This is the only way

You’re my light, my smile please stay with me
For a while and…
Let me hold you, because I need you
You’re the only one who can set me free
Its, time for the change to come
For me to be the man
To be the one

Do you remember the first time I set eyes on you?
The way you looked back I knew it was true
And even now as time goes on
I know one thing for sure
That look hasn’t gone

You’re my light, my smile please stay with me
For a while and…
Let me hold you, because I need you
You’re the only one who can set me free
Its, time for the change to come
For me to be the man
To be the one

And this is it, the way to show you
Oh
How I feel, how I need you
Please just say you love me
Because through all my mistakes
You’re the only thing
I know is true
Those two words
Me and you
Last edited by Craigy_boii2008 at Nov 30, 2008,
#2
Just might wanna change the name. I think that name is taken.
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#3
names taken by a very famous instrumental song. was in guitar hero II :p. Really nice lyrics. could just rename to "my jessica" or something.
"You know it's funny when it rains it pours
...They got money for wars, but can't feed the poor"


Techno artist and rap producer in training

#4
Well I really like the song. But do you really feel this strong after 4 months? If you're going to show this to her be sure you're ready.

As for the song... I can relate to this so much and I feel like it's really well written. Pretty much at the first line I knew where it was going and that can be a good thing or a bad thing. I still think in the song though, 4 months doesn't sound that powerful where the rest of the song does. If that part is important to you then keep it but I'd suggest just generalizing that it's been a long time rather than the exact time.

So... I really like this song .
#5
Thankyou everyone i think i should start writing more and yes i was thinking of changing the name to my sweetness just an idea thanks for the feedback
#7
Cheers gert72 i read it over and did realise i didnt want to say its been a longer time because i will be sending this to her but maybe the change i made will make it sound better ?