#1
meant to be a song. enjoy, if that's possible at all.

he walks with her
crabbed age and youth together at last
a smile breaking the mist of a cold hill in the morning

life glows radiant even fading
as the anticipation flows off me
uneasy to accept the daily grind
and the monotony ahead of me as youth slides by
but a smile only on his face
as i stand watching

interested only in each heavy step
each bootfall marked upon the trace of a cold hill in the morning
as vivid vitality flows free, transience
in the face of a world concerned with
material needs, where happiness is only pursued
and wealth of mind refused
on principle

she walks oblivious
to the joy and rapture that only innocence brings
and i can only wonder
when moments pass
as i stand beside them
for a few seconds on a cold hill in the morning

was life made to be enjoyed?
or fascinated should we be with all earthly possessions
while the present is lived in the future

but for seconds, i captured what it was
on a cold hill in the morning
as he walks with her

he walks with her


this is about a young girl - probably elementary school or so - and her grandfather that i often see when i'm walking down a very cold hill to my school. he always looked so happy just to spend time with his granddaughter and to walk with her for a few minutes and that's where this came from. it just left me wondering how it's hard when you're young to think about being happy for such simple reasons. then we refuse to walk with our parents when we're teenagers because we only care about our image...

anyway, i will happily C4C
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Last edited by RPExecutor at Dec 1, 2008,
#2
This is really nice without being overtly cliched. I like how you've stayed away from rhyming and instead just let the words be what they whould. I'm impressed
#4
Wow that war great! Nothing left to say than that.

Please crit the first one in my sig.
#6
nah, i'm just starting to write a few riffs and hopefully will finish it soon.
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#7
i loved this. ive never read anything by you before but this was definitely solid.
my only complaint would be the awkwardness of this'

or fascinated should we be with all earthly possessions


its just, idk too clumsy to read. i think if you just put the should before the fascinated it would work out just fine.
otherwise no complaints nice work.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1011474
heres mine if you could say a word or two.
#8
It's really good imo. really good word play. keep on writing.
Gear

-Schecter Tempest Custom
-Ibanez EW20WNE-NT
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