#1
this is one of my shortest and favorite lyrics I've written, but i fear its to hard hard to understand the last verse but I'll leave that up to you guys. So tell me what you think.


Bury me under the moon
in the midnight light
when all is at rest
and the present at peace
Bury me, oh bury me under the moon

And when the world is at war
and the earth is torn between future leaders and mercenaries,
Theres no difference with the weapon they carry,
And when even god himself seems scary........
Resurrect me under the sun, for a brighter future before the day is done.
#2
Wow when i looked i thought it wouldnt be much because it is really short but that last verse lets people use there imagination so however they want to see it will work thats amazing nice job!!
#4
Quote by Craigy_boii2008
Wow when i looked i thought it wouldnt be much because it is really short but that last verse lets people use there imagination so however they want to see it will work thats amazing nice job!!


THEIR! THEIR!


/All faith in humanity.


Anyway, I enjoyed it, it was different.

The mercenaries line felt a little too long. Maybe use line breaks here:
and the earth is torn
between future leaders and mercenaries,

or
and the earth is torn between
future leaders and mercenaries,

and
Resurrect me under the sun,
for a brighter future SOMETHING ELSE.


However, the scary/carry half rhyme was.. horrible to see, and as was (but not so much so) the sun/done. In fact, the "before the day is done." feels useless to me, tacked on for that rhyme.

Just my own thoughts, See what other people say.
Last edited by ginjaninja at Dec 2, 2008,