Poll: awd
Poll Options
View poll results: awd
plain
6 86%
blue
1 14%
Voters: 7.
#1
3 days. don't vote for yourself.

---Presents And Everything They Represent---
by bluesybilly


Over the years I've noticed that
the coldest winters hinge on broken homes.
One fleeing father,
Two "broke-in" daughters,
Three counts of arson
and Nat King Cole on a gramophone.
That's all I need to get my fingers snapping,
my toes tapping, and my whole family's footprints all over the suburban streets.
Though I wouldn't say that I'm old fashioned,
I just hate when my conscience starts to bitch.

Like that time at the bar when I moved a little to the left
to get closer to the broad that was wearing the cosmetics store.
I didn't even need to ask, she just looked over and said,
"I'm a billboard baby, what did you expect?"
I leaned over to give her lips a peck, her leg a squeeze,
and the inside of her purse a look-see.
I didn't see anything resembling a ring
so I retreated to the car,
with a wife on my arm.

Once back home
I must have been a joke
because she turned away to smile.
It was interesting to note
that her neck could twist that far.
Still it wasn't long for me to see
she wasn't even close to what I need,
so I took the rising tide
and a serrated kitchen knife
and played it off as
pure bad luck.

See what I mean?


---Madness Hiding in the Rosegarden---
By: Bassbeat77

We watched in awe as our ciggarette ashes,
burned the tabletop,
our mouths gaped as we laughed
at the checkered tablecloth.

Call some room service from the housephone,
as the valleys grow wider
past the corners of my room,
deeper into a world of
sex, and drugs and wonders,
and life and pain and thunder.
We wonder why the window is open,
with a warm winter breeze
that kisses our foreheads,
like a naive player on a first date,
with the only girl hes ever,
felt an emotional connection.

We build a mansion,
no, a fortress,
to disguise our hopes and dreams,
with fancy rugs and welcome mats,
that we use as blankets,
when the winters are stronger
than the last.
trying so hard,
to lose what is left of our pride,
and discover what is left of our mind.

metaphors and heart hardened *****s,
with imaginary icons,
and lynched loves gone by,
dance until the morning.
while she plays the pushover,
crying at the party,
trying so hard,
to find entertainment from the drama queen,
hiding in the bushes,
outside her castle
made of porcelain and fiberglass.

Giving me the sign,
that its time to make my move.
"Darling, I'm a heathen,
dressed in gold and linen,
I could take you away,
to anywhere but here.
But because it helps my self esteem,
I'd much rather sit and watch,
as your fairy-tale falls apart."
#3
Zachy... the last three lines of the second piece are supposed to be the last three lines of the first piece.
#5
black bugged my only because it didn't fulfill the set up (for me, anyway).
"It was interesting to note
that her neck could twist that far."
Expand on that. I was thinking something Exorcist, but there wasn't anything there to support it, and right now those lines are just drab and meandering towards the point.

And I wanted a stronger connection between the beginning and the end... I mean, there was one, it was just erring on the side of subtlety, which would be alright if the beginning and the title weren't so hand-in-hand. Compare the hussy to a present more, or something. Say you tied her up with a bow, whatever, I just feel that a link is missing in the chain there.


Anyway, with all that said, I'm still voting black. Maybe just because it evoked a response in me.
I owe a ton of people critiques.

If you're one of them, please PM me.

I have trouble keeping track.
#6
I still really liked that second one, but don't think it's much of a mimic.

I'll think about it.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!