#1
if you knew everything that there was to know
and you'd shown everything that there was to show
what else could you do except just go?

if you had everything you would ever need
and you knew nothing could ever make you bleed
unless upon yourself you decided to feed

no one is perfect that's why we're alive
to better ourselves, ambition's our drive
if you were perfect, why would you thrive?
if you were perfect why would you strive?
if you're perfect, all you can do is die.
if you know everything just end your life.
because you're trapped.
like he was.
you're trapped.
like he was.

and thanks to his selfless act.
we're all here as a fact.
it's all here as a fact.
the universe doesn't have god's fingerprints
the universe is just what's left of him.
#DTWD
Last edited by primusfan at Dec 3, 2008,
#2
Oh damn.
I am not religious, but i don't like blatant shunning of religion/god. So i saw "the suicidal god" and I was like, "I AM GOING IN GUNS BLAZING!". But that was actually, interesting. The last 2 lines honestly gave me that shiver down my back that really amazing lines/music give me. Congrats, because I don't think that I have ever read anything on this site that has done that. Each stanza had its strong point, I really liked the repeating "If you were perfect.." lines.
Pretty deep.
this one is for you.
#3
I like it. Sorry I have nothing more constructive to say, I'm drained at the moment.
Brigardier of the Seven String E.R.G. Legion
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#4
thank you. the song is based on the book god's debris. pretty interesting read and online for free.

i know it's pretty simplistic lyrics, but i was listening to andrew jackson jihad when i wrote it so it made sense haha.

thanks for the comments! i'll get y'all back.
#DTWD
#5
Very good. It's a good message you got there. Just one thing... It's very much rhymes. I Don't say that it's wrong, but you rhyme every last word of a sentence. Ofc that can be your personal style. Just wanted to say it...

But very good. Not bad at all! Good chose of words. And the message is very cool. I like that...
#6
Really like this one. I like it because the final stanza and lines really made it clear to what you were talking about and the essence of the poem. I'm a religious person so that is another reason this poem interested me and why the title drew me in. Also was easy to relate to in our pursuit and journey in this life. If you would take a look at my newest piece I would appreciate it: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1013270