#1
Song needs a bit of explanation. My brother and I are writing concept album similar to Coheed and Cambria. This will be song number 4 from the first cd. The first song can be found here: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=993850. Brother is working on the second song. Three is an instrumental. I don't want to tell you much more since I want to see if I've written it in a way that someone can understand the story element I'm trying to get across in this song. Any comments along that line or other comments would be great. I'll comment on a piece of ours also. Also not sure on a title; I want to name if have the man's gun who is the subject of this piece but I have no clue what to name the gun.

Verse 1:
Heavy footsteps
Echo down the hall
Metal clangs
Follow down below
Sparks now fly
A long clocked figure
Makes his presence known
Gun draped down
On his side
Blood falling off the barrel

Chorus:
Where has he hidden you?
My men failed in this task
I’ll soon see you in death’s mask

Verse 2:
My children
Will be whole soon
Now brandish
The torch
Finely tune
The cogs and
The gears
Joints oiled
With blood

Chorus:
Where has he hidden you?
My men failed in this task
I’ll soon see you in death’s mask

Bridge:
Hiding him was your first mistake
The wrench you threw into the works
Running will do you little good

Chorus:
Where has he hidden you?
My men failed in this task
I’ll soon see you in death’s mask
#2
even more enigmatic than the first one. since there is a track missing, i guess a part of the plot isnt yet known to us yet. but at the end of the last song, your words suggested that the subjects of the song were captured. i have no idea what is going on, but my guess is that the couple was possibly separated in another escape attempt?

is the gun on the side of the tall figure the same gun which fired the shot in the first song? i think that could be a very interesting detail.

the lines "where has he hidden you" and "hiding him was your first mistake" are interesting, it makes me wonder who exactly has been hidden. the second line also shows a touch of vengance.

pretty good, but knowing what happened in between would help fill the gaps.

and as for a name for the gun, why not search through lots of old video games? they always give ridiculous names for guns sometimes, like "killer7" or "broken butterfly" or something crazy like that
#3
I was going to wait until the lyrics were done for the second one but I will explain the gap for the sake of understanding the current piece. In song two the couple in the first song is killed and their son, the main character of the whole story, is given to a character called grandfather. The third like I said was an instrumental. So this song basically introduces the main villian of our story, Rufus Caldwell a.k.a the cloaked figure. So the lines you are asking about jetfuel are refer to Rufus talking and wanting to know where Grandfather hid the couple's child. Thanks for the ideas on the gun's names. I think the current names is kind of growing on me but if anyone else has ideas I would appreciate them. Thanks and keep the comments coming. Feel free to ask questions about the story if it will help with understanding.
#4
At the moment its looking pretty good, just dont lose contact with the story.

Enjoyed it dude, keep it coming!
#5
Thanks for the comments. I would appreciate some critiques about the lyrics since I'm still kind of considering this a first draft at this point.
#7
sorry no music yet. We have my brother and I on guitar and then a drummer. I am in Minnesota in school right now and he is in wisconsin so we are hoping to get some stuff recorded over Christmas break so I can get it posted up then after we are done with it.