#1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80WXa1rDgQY

Allright, here I shall present you my new song I wrote a few days ago. It's about someone who wants to leave town and go out for some adventure. As I mention in the storyline he's done with his sitting, waiting and just boreness. It's not a sad story - in couplet #3 per example I mention that he thinks it went to fast. It's just a thinking back part, no depressing thing haha. In a hour or two I shall upload a video of me playing and singing it just on the acoustic guitar. Please don't judge my singin', I'm no singer. I just did it cause I had noone around who could sing it tonight. My apologises if it caused heavy ear damage haha. Also sorry for the quality; Canon Powershot / YouTube will cause some less sound quality. Oh well! Enough chatting, enjoy the lyrics and soon the song as well. Give me some feedback on both on them - I shall add bass, piano, drums, more vocals, percussion and more to it. So it shall be a funky song with some smooth rythms.

Couplet
I sat here for too long
Should’ve been gone for a while
I packed my stuff and possessions
Closed the door left the house
Ran down the street took the bus
And drove away from--
…home

Chorus

So I’m leavin’ town
A part of me felt down
Never had the right
Fled down the night
It’s a far far sky
One that offers a (great) defy
I said my final goodbye
I have no car
I’ll keep on playing my guitar
I have my song
Sing it along
I’ll keep on playin’--
…all night long.

Couplet
I sit here in the sun
On the cool cool beach
I walked along the cliffs
Thought and created a new riff
Cause all I have is my music
All I have is--
…this

Couplet
It all went so fast
Memorized my past
Feedom lies ahead
Noone will take that away
No regrets no looking back
I am ready for my new breath

Chorus

So I’m leavin’ town
A part of me felt down
Never had the right
Fled down the night
It’s a far far sky
One that offers a (great) defy
I said my final goodbye
I have no car
I’ll keep on playing my guitar
I have my song
Sing it along
I’ll keep on playin’--
…all night long.

Repeat chorus / outro
Thanks for reading it through, I hope you enjoyed.

Yours sincerely,

Pino.

PS: Used the quote function to create a more organised post
Last edited by wbuisman at Dec 3, 2008,
#3
Ok, my honest critique:

I like the song you wrote. It actually sounds like something I would enjoy playing at the bar. I might actually do it someday ( talk about an obscure cover ).

But pitch is a big problem here, both with the vocals and guitar. The guitar tuning is further exasperated by how hard you're pressing down on the strings when you fret. It's a problem I've worked on over the years. If you put your guitar up to a tuner, you'll see that you can pull a note sharp, just by fretting hard. You need to develop a lighter touch.

As for the vocals, you're singing from the throat. You need to bring the voice source down. Ideally from the diaphragm, but at LEAST from the chest so you can get some resonance.

So again, good song, but I think you can practice and get a better performance.
    #4
    Quote by sugapablo
    Ok, my honest critique:

    I like the song you wrote. It actually sounds like something I would enjoy playing at the bar. I might actually do it someday ( talk about an obscure cover ).

    But pitch is a big problem here, both with the vocals and guitar. The guitar tuning is further exasperated by how hard you're pressing down on the strings when you fret. It's a problem I've worked on over the years. If you put your guitar up to a tuner, you'll see that you can pull a note sharp, just by fretting hard. You need to develop a lighter touch.

    As for the vocals, you're singing from the throat. You need to bring the voice source down. Ideally from the diaphragm, but at LEAST from the chest so you can get some resonance.

    So again, good song, but I think you can practice and get a better performance.


    Thanks thats some great feedback! More is welcome.

    Pino.
    #5
    I really liked your song, I cannot sing and play at the same time so +10000000 for being able to do that!!! I would like to hear more of your stuff so if you ever record some more please give me a shout!!
    #6
    Quote by kingkill_33
    I really liked your song, I cannot sing and play at the same time so +10000000 for being able to do that!!! I would like to hear more of your stuff so if you ever record some more please give me a shout!!


    Thanks once again. More feedback! Keep it coming ;-)

    Pino.