I started this song back in September and basically it was only written up to bar 16 since yesterday (when I started again, so everything from 17 onward was written yesterday and today). If this song ever gets recorded, the vocals will definately be higher in the mix during the outro, but I kinda want it to be like Jesu, where it's kinda like the vocals are another instrument and just kinda blend in.

Oh yeah, and what do you think of Gears as a band name for this stuff (+ my other song for the "band")? For the influences, think Scale The Summit + Jesu + Mouth of the Architect.

Edit: Updated version a couple of posts down!
Last edited by Zao_89 at Dec 6, 2008,
Yea dude, the strings get annoying after a while, the guitar sounds ****ing awesome by itself so consider taking the strings out of the song or limiting them. Too much of one thing usually ends up detracting from the overall experience.

Seriously, great guitar riffs they're awesome dude keep it up. Don't know whats so special about them but it sounds sweet, maybe b/c its a lot slower then what I normally write, I gotta start writing stuff like this man (don't worry, I won't copy anything).

You def. need to put a solo in this song, it screams for one.

All in all excellent song, I'd give it a perfect 10 but the strings piss me off:

With strings = 7/10

w/o strings = 10/10.

I added in a short solo for ya, I used your riff as the backing rhythm, added in some simple drums. I think it fits the song perfectly, use it if you want I don't mind at all =)

crit mine?
Last edited by cptazad at Dec 5, 2008,
Quote by Zao_89
Thanks for the help cptazad. Now the song has a title, lyrics (had to make some adjustments, but the lyrics fit perfectly), a solo, and a new ending. Hope you like it

No problem man, thats what people on this board are here for, to help =)

And I really like the finished product, good job bud keep on writing songs and let me know when you're next song is up here b/c I'm looking forward to it!
That was great man.

I wouldn't lessen the slow strings. They give this song character, spirit, if you will.
Don't mess with that portion.

What really did it for me was the little melodic nuances.
Also, it was truely a droning sludge.
It didn't go anywhere, nor did the melodic nuances hint that it was going anywhere.
A true drone at that.


But I do believe that though. I haven't heard much drone that was actually stationary and beautiful at the same time.

The solo/licks at 33 was excellent and very moody.
I love how it just "blows up" at bar 40 with those big chords and all.
Very well orchastrated.


Try out Creepypasta for some horrific drone or McPaincore for some jazzy rooster rock/metal.
I really like this but i don't understand the lyrics. Nice chorus, nice verse, ok ending. 8.5/10

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Jesu influenced, definitely, but not anywhere near as derivitive as I expected from your writeup.

Everything is fantastic, except the drums. The drums are awful. Just bashing away at that crash every 8th for almost the entire song. I actually had to mute the track, because it got to the point where I was only hearing that crash.

Fix that and you're going to have a serious 10/10 on your hands.