#1
I'm afraid of the real world
I don't want to be
I want to be becoming
I'm a star afraid of the sun
And it's sewage system gravity

I'm afraid of the beaten paths
Of the long and winding railroad tracks
Instead I lurk in the forests
With the beasts of fang and fur
I'm a drop of rain
Fearing evaporation

I'm afraid of singleness
Of unilaterals and mono prefixes
Of chosen and traditional
Of monopoly and truth
I'm a child of everything
Orphaned in the world of one
#2
I dont really know how to rate this, its amazing and terrible at the same time. Maybe use some more imagery and simple personification. 8/10
#3
I don't really like the first stanza
The second and third stanzas seem to make more sense

on the first
I just do not understand the comparisons.
Lord Gold feeds from your orifices and he wants to see you sweat.
Lord Gold probes you publicly and makes your pussy wet.
Now say his name.....
#4
Quote by Serrana
I'm afraid of the real world
I don't want to be
I want to be becoming Bit confusing, the wordplay was cool but not much else
I'm a star afraid of the sun
And its sewage system gravity

I'm afraid of the beaten paths
Of the long and winding railroad tracks
Instead I lurk in the forests
With the beasts of fang and fur
I'm a drop of rain
Fearing evaporation Last line was great

I'm afraid of singleness
Of unilaterals and mono prefixes Again, the wordplay was cool, but it can get a little confusing
Of chosen and traditional
Of monopoly and truth Excellent
I'm a child of everything
Orphaned in the world of one


overall, that was pretty fun to read. some clever use of words, but remember, it can get pretty heavy-handed if you don't keep it down.

C4C? i'd appreciate you checking out the second one in my sig
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#5
I must agree with the posts above me, the 2nd and 3rd stanzas are well-written. With some work the first could be just as good
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

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I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

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