#1
Ok, last song till next week.

I was watching the "Bleed" video for Messhugah the other day and this song is basically based off of that, it's just a crazy concept story that goes with the song, so read the notes while/before you listen to the song so you can get an idea of what I'm trying to shoot for here.

This is supposed to be a simple song, only one complex riff near the end. Lots of syncopated passages which I normally don't play around with but for this song it fits like a glove, and its also a great way to practice syncopated stuff cuz the speed here is reasonable, nothing too crazy. Simple song folks, don't expect much, just let your imagination paint the picture as you listen to it.



-You start off waking up in a cave all light headed, you don't know where you are or how you got here, it smells bad and theres not much light at all.

-The verse riff (bar 19) is meant to portray how the character in this story (aka YOU) has no idea whats going on and stumbles in the dark looking for anything, any sign of life to help him find out whats going on.

-bar 35 the creature/being emerges, bar 36 he's coming for you, you can see him in the very dim light, shadows are falling across it's body and hideous deformed blood covered face as he starts coming towards you, theres no where to run ,its to dark to see anything past 10 feet. You have nowhere to run or hide, this is it, this is insanity.

-verse 45 you decide to fight back after stumbling onto a large piece of wood (or something, iunno, use your imaginations here folks)

-chorus is basically just that, the chorus

-the solo is broken up into 2 parts:
1 = (bar 69, the whammy bar part) --> It grabs the wood/weapon you were holding and breaks it in half while slightly leaning forward, he's inches from you face and you see its face in detail for the first time, think about the most ****ed up thing you could possibly ever imagine and multiply it a 100 fold, this thing is as creepy/scary/insanity inducing creature/face ever.

2 = (bar 70-77) --> It starts clawing at you and laughing in the most ****ed up laugh ever, you know you're ****ed (thats why the solo sounds so ****ed up, chromatic scale was the only one that fits this mood in my opinion, you just have to use your imagination a bit is all), you're like a deer in headlights, you can't ****ing move b/c your body is too scared to move.

3 = (bar 78-93) --> your life flashes before your eyes

-breakdown (bar 94-102) resembles you fighting back with everything you've got in your body no matter how terrified you are, you start by clocking it in the face as hard as you can and it lets out the most ****ed up blood curling scream ever, its not a normal scream at all, more of a shrieking yet low tone scream

-last verse (bar 103-110) you keep fighting


-bar 111-126 - you've almost defeated the creature, its shriveling up to protect itself, you still don't know how to get out of here. you end up taking a huge rock and smashing it into the face of the creature with all your might. the nightmare seems to be over

-bar 127-141 - you recollect what the **** just happened here, adrenaline is rushing through you, you've defeated something you didn't even know existed, you're scared but you have a great sense of pride from accomplishing this life or death task. You stand there wondering what to do next ....with your back to the creature. bar 140-143 = as you stand there, the creature (still not dead) slowly creeps up behind you, if this were a music video you'd see the main character standing there thinking what to do next and behind you from the dark shadows the "audience/listener" sees a slowly creeping creature coming up on him with a grin on its face.


-bar 144-147 - the creature grabs you and just turns you around, you're in shock, it grabs your right arm and just tears it off of your body, you're still in shock cuz you don't feel the pain (it was a quick movement). then the creature bites down on to your skull, all you see is the creatures hideous face and sharp ****ed up teeth as it looks into your dead distant eyes, theres still a grin on its face and thats the last memory for you on earth

-bar 148-155 - the creature feasts on your body

the end


Let me know what you guys think, cheers


crit 4 crit, leave link
Attachments:
Unimaginable_horror_by_tabreezazad.zip
Last edited by cptazad at Dec 4, 2008,
#2
hey therrrre, i can see how it sounds meshuggah-like just more simplified.... like you said

i liked the bending the nut part but i think the song can be more exciting...hmmm im not sure how though, im not a very big help haha
#3
Firstly thanks fot the crit. I'll crit as I listen.

This is a great song. It starts off sounding like an awesome hardcore song, but the breakdown is nice in that it's not generic at all. The verses do get a bit repetitive but I'm sure some nice screamy vocals could fix that. I love this sort of music It sounds brutal but not as if you're trying too hard. The only thing is that after a while the chugging does begin to get annoying. That's the only fault really though. 8/10, great effort.
Gear:
Schecter C-1 Hellraiser
Ibanez GRG170DX
Peavey Vypyr 75
Fender Princeton 650 DSP w/ Celestion 80w speaker
#5
Nice work , keep it up
and you even made up a story ^^ I read it during I was playing it ;p

http://
#6
This was awesome especially with the story. I read it and at the same time i listen to music and i really get the feel and a video playing in my mind. This is the greatest thing i heard here in a long time. And i read this forum aevery day but i never comment, this is the first time because i wanted you too know that what you did was awesome.
#7
Quote by wideheim
This was awesome especially with the story. I read it and at the same time i listen to music and i really get the feel and a video playing in my mind. This is the greatest thing i heard here in a long time. And i read this forum aevery day but i never comment, this is the first time because i wanted you too know that what you did was awesome.



Thanks man! I have a few unfinished songs that I can turn into detailed stories, I'll get working on em next week.

If you want me to crit any of your work let me know
#9
Quote by talentfree
i prefer this to your other song.
it's a lot better imo.
i think it needs a fast part.
but besides that, it's cool.
good job. it's not to technical, good thing for me. i got a slow mind. ;D



Ya, coming up with fast songs all the time ain't my thing. I like to slow it down once in a while and have riffs that I can play without having to warm up. Playing fast all the time ain't good for my wrist lol and sometimes when I have friends over or I'm at a party and I tell them about the song I'm working on and they all want to hear it, semi drunk and trying to play some of my other stuff w/o warming up first (trust me, warming up before you play in front of intoxicated friends is a waste of time) just ain't gonna happen, I'll stumble all over the place. These kind of songs pretty much anyone with a bit of guitar experience can play off the get go if they know what they're doing, warm up or not.

I'm thinking of some ideas to modify this song, and your idea for a fast part has got me intrigued, I was thinking that maybe there should be a section in there where its just straight up death metal style tremelo picking with blast beats or something. What do you think? Give me a suggestion as to how this fast section should sound and I'll work with it and see what I can come up with. Thanks for the crit!
Last edited by cptazad at Dec 5, 2008,
#11
I like the main riff in the song, it reminds me abit of the nightmare before christmas or some old horror movie or something. it really fits the theme. I read through the story and you can also see a story in the music itself it's building up has a climax, the first part of the solo makes it explode like hell I really liked that, and a surprising ending ofc.

the riffing is nice too. I got two favorite riffs in your song except from the solo, the main riff 10-17 and the riff that follows onto it. sounds really ace.

but multiple faster parts and maybe a second solo would also be nice.

8.7/10. nice job!
#12
Quote by BackDownBitch
I like the main riff in the song, it reminds me abit of the nightmare before christmas or some old horror movie or something. it really fits the theme. I read through the story and you can also see a story in the music itself it's building up has a climax, the first part of the solo makes it explode like hell I really liked that, and a surprising ending ofc.

the riffing is nice too. I got two favorite riffs in your song except from the solo, the main riff 10-17 and the riff that follows onto it. sounds really ace.

but multiple faster parts and maybe a second solo would also be nice.

8.7/10. nice job!



Ya I was thinking about a second solo, the ending (the last 4 bars of the song) where the lead is doing those whole notes, I wanted to turn that into a solo but never got around to it. Def. gonna be thinking up/working on some faster riffs for this song, this one has a huge amount of potential.
#13
I was never a fan of this style of music.

But that was epic.
It really fit the story you put along with it.

I only have one problem with it; the drums during the breakdown.
It was really only the china cymbals that sounded a bit sour to my ears.

9.5/10
#14
What an asshole.
I couldn't imagine anything scary until the part where the creature slithers up to the main character.
I was just imagining a funny looking troll up to that point.

Once he starts omnomnomnoming on you, I imagined some sort of hybrid between the Thing, the Blob, that dude from Slither, the acid spitting antlion creatures from Half-Life 2/Episode 2, and the Devourment (the band) worm.

The song was good. It fit well with the whole creepypasta story line.
I didn't see the Meshuggah though.
Maybe in the solo, but otherwise, no.

I like the somber mood that the ending sets.
That part really does go with the concept.

8.5/10.
The only problem was that it feels kinda like a novelty song, kinda like Flight of the Concords.
Music is good, but it would stand on it's own with much better results.

I have a 6/7 concept piece you could check out.
The narrative is in the first part, Extort/Froydmein.
You don't have to crit all 6 current pieces, because that would be quite an undertaking.
If anything, try out ttttttttttt_2.
One of my more dynamic songs.
McPaincore is also diverse.
#15
It was very dark, enough said.
the song could be more technical, because i really think a nightmare song should have some complex stuff in it, specially in some parts, it would come in very helpful.
I really liked the Alt Verse Riff, that was really sweet to listen to.
And yeah i can easily see the story parts you fitted to each bit, but i still think it could be a little more technical, but it does have awesome potential, its a really good backbone,
Also, one of the bits reminded me of Megadeth's "Looking down the Cross" and i think it does hae a simliar structure to yours, just minus the nightmare story lol, i'd have a little listen to it just for a fresh idea.
But still well worth a 9/10
Could you possibly crit one of the last two songs in my sig please?
#16
This was awesome, I loved the solo and the breakdown riff at 36. The first part of the solo was hateful IN A GOOD WAY !!!!!