#1
Hi John,
You're my song,
I've known you for so long

Be my friend,
Don't let it end,
It's hard to comprehend

Our old time,
Seeking,
But not find,
Walk into my mind

I feel those times have truly gone,
They could never have forgone,
Now I'm back where I belong,
Yours truly, Tom Delonge

Comments Please
Last edited by #1PooShoot at Dec 4, 2008,
#2
"Your" line two.
"You're". Please.

The rhymes were forced.

The ending gave it a whole new meaning, nicely done.
#3
Quote by #1PooShoot
Hi John,
You're my song,
I've known you for so long

Be my friend,
Don't let it end,
It's hard to comprehend

Our old time,
Seeking,
But not find,
Walk into my mind

I feel those times have truly gone,
They could never have forgone,
Now I'm back where I belong,
Yours truly, Tom Delonge


Well, this is an exceptional piece which evokes pressures and ideologies of idealism and idolization of Tom Delonge.

The simplicity only deducts itself from the underlying issues and the personification a poem.

To name someone or 'self' a song is a mythology semiotic with personifies feelings and emotions of a human or anthropologic figure.

This is a very simple piece which uses key 'words' which sweetens the message.

The connectivity is masterful.

"Be my friend" + "our old time"

This connectivity relies on syntax and friendship and the apposed qualities of friendship.

'Friend' and 'Old' coincide with each other which in turn connect friendship and the term 'Old friend' which is used in many languages as a connective.

"Be" and "Our", This to me is an invitation which invites me to be your friend as a reader?

Your name may be John, and your friend may be Tom Delonge and your are as one inviting me to be a companion. With both of these bonded, you may wish me to be an old friend again ?

Is this written to a distanced friend or relative.

The meanings and connotations in this piece are so deep, yet have floated to the pool of my thought which lets me see and hear them clearly.

A great piece, Keep it up !
#4
Thanks for the critique, you were right for the best part of it and I'm glad you understood it, i thought I could have made it far too cryptic.
#7
Quote by ginjaninja
Same people, Poo Shooters?



my thoughts exactly


anyhow cool ending dude never saw it coming
Quote by Dillona
NME: OMFG DEY HAZ TIGHT JEENZ N MESSY HAIRZ!

LETS COVER THEM IN OUR MAGAZINE FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS! .



Metallica 08.07.07
25.03.09