#1
I'm just some shi,t for brains kid
who don't know what he did
or where he's going now

or how
he's ever gonna get there
working for minimum wage

tell me to act my age
but I swear I was born
yesterday

when everything was okay
when everything was still gray
before the black took my tongue

sharpened to a razor's lung

I'm just breathing blood

dad stole the breath from an iron lung
gave it to his second son
but it didn't matter none

I'm just the machinist's son
ask anyone
I haven't even begun

begun to be his son
to earn my way
like my brothers done

I am always

the machinist's son
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
Last edited by 12epi345 at Dec 5, 2008,
#2
dad stole the breath from an iron lung

Radiohead much?




anyway,
like my brothers done
needs an apostrophe

this felt kind of built around the rhymes, and as a result it kind of went in circles nowhere

sharpened to a razor's lung
I'm just breathing blood
dad stole the breath from an iron lung
Did you just rhyme lung with lung here (and tongue, and none)?

And, this line didnt actually make any sense:
but it didn't matter none
i know, ladeedah colloquial, but seriously, its a horribly forced rhyme.
#3
no, it makes sense if you know how to think. but thanks.
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.