#1
im gonna make it
im gonna make it
im gonna make it

i can see 10,000
an ocean of bodies
i can see myself
a guitar in my hand

making static love baby

i can see it
i can see it
i can see it

amplify whats coming from inside

AMPLIFY
AMPLIFY
AMPLIFY
#2
its has potential bro,spiff it up and make it longer and more beefed up in lyrics.
***edit***actually you should you what you have written here as the Refrain/Chours and write like 3 verses for this.
Ibanez sz720fm,Ibbly RG350DX, Custom Tele-> Dunlop 535Q->RAT Pro co II-> Ibanez Fuzz->Marshall Haze 40.
Tascam US-800 and a hand full of Mics into Nedundo 4

my music, new recording on the way in 2014

[B]insert witty italicized quote here
#4
It's... weird.

Don't make it longer.
Never.
Length is nothing

But, beef it up.

This section:

i can see 10,000
an ocean of bodies
i can see myself
a guitar in my hand

needs a total re-write.
it needs to be the center of the piece, where all the fancy repetitions can leap off.
Right now, it's weak.
maybe i'll be back to help
when my insomnia wears off
but this is definatly what this needs

Write numbers in letters not numbers darling, this is language not math.

The rest is all gravy baby.


EDIT: self reference tends not to work
eg
here i am
no longer caged
with guitar in hands
finally up on stage

in a song, would not work

CHEESYCHEESYCHEESY
Last edited by ginjaninja at Dec 5, 2008,