#1
crits returned.
..eventually.


I Understand

"Please don't talk to me
like I ever mattered to you."

The street feet shift
dancing one-two steps
through the stone
covered walkways
we used to cross.
The pavement speaks
of volumes of words;
never heard,
never told,
but felt
through the rhythm
of the stomp.

I saw you here.
After three months away,
I saw you here.
It was overcast,
and you were with him.
He had his arm around you
when you told me
you'd been here a week.

I understand.

I understand how
I don't get a ****ing call
from my best friend
of four years
and how your boyfriend
of seven months
(three of which,
you were gone)
greets you from the airport.

So don't pretend you're excited.
Don't pretend like you care.
And don't pretend like I
****ing
matter
to you anymore.

Because I know I don't.
And I understand.
#2
The street feet shift
dancing one-two steps
through the stone
covered walkways
we used to cross.
The pavement speaks
of volumes of words;
never heard,
never told,
but felt
through the rhythm
of the stomp.

Was good, the rest was boringly angsty.
Sorry.

I'd really like to see more of the aforementioned though, it flowed surprisingly well, and had a unique perspective on things.
#3
I really like this, Pete. Not in an standard sense, more in a overall sense. The contradiction between "understanding" and understanding bull**** is clearly presented by the way you wrote everything: You open with something flowing and simple; it's articulate writing and lends a nice opening to a piece that alters itself drastically. Then, everything is rearranged in line with the point of the piece: understanding bull**** (well, that's what I got out of it, anyway) And it does that by turning into teenage angst rebelliousness - which is clearly dignified by simplistic methods; like vulgar manners and repetitious phrases - I don't quite know how to fully explain myself in this regard but I did get a glimpse of your character here. In the brief time that I have known of you and spoke to you, I was under the impression that you are a quiet, collected and calm man. But this shows a more undervaluation sense of discomfort and disquiet about you as a person, and for that simple reason, this was good. But stunted.
Although the piece could of been so much better - and I mean it could of totally kicked ass - I still enjoyed the sense of ambiguity you displayed so carelessly, and also the contrast of knowing, and then knowing the rubbish that life is seemingly about.

Good to here from you again. I'll be waiting another month to catch your next one.


Digitally Clean
#4
Thanks, both of you.

Angst is what I was going for.
Although I wasn't going for "boring," unfortunately.
So I kind of half got it for you, ninja. =P

And Dan, I know you've been reading my stuff for awhile.
So let me just say this;
if Call It "Unrequited" was the first part,
and Orange and White Trim was the second part,
this completes my "girl (space) friend" trilogy. xP

Thanks again, guys.
#5
Yeah, I know. I still read those pieces. It's easy to see the relation, but only if you followed your work.