#1
i couldn't make a reason from the storm in the night
i have saved and been saved by an angel in flight
this dust falls freely and it clings for dear life

every river freezes and flows at the same time
and what i'm seeing finally is a cropless plot of sky
there's no samaritan here to raise me and there's no time left to die

this is a time to be hearing
many scream for one and all
an echo is heard then dissolves and is lost
in a fog, in a thought

there's been five hearts beating down my door and what is more
i hear them now as they have left me in before
the signal is hot, the waves gather home
there's a castle on a cloud made of stone, made of stone
Last edited by crossroads07 at Apr 9, 2009,
#3
Quote by crossroads07
i couldn't make a reason from the storm in the night
i don't really understand... FROM the storm in the night? i think it would make sense if you said, "for" instead of from.

i have saved and been saved by an angel in flight
flow seems off, but i haven't heard it to music so i can't say this for certain, but in reading it would sound better "i have been and saved by an angel in flight
this dust falls freely and it clings for dear life

every river freezes and flows at the same time
and what i'm seeing finally is a cropless plot of sky
there's no samaritan here to raise me and there's no time left to die
take out the and in the last line, but it's sounding really good!

there was a time to be hearing
once to scream for one and all
an echo is heard then dissolves and is lost
in a fog, in a thought
eh, first two are iffy but last two are great.

there's been five hearts beating down my door and what is more
i hear them now as they have left me in before
the signal is hot, the waves gather home
there's a castle on a cloud made of stone, made of stone
not so hot on the first three lines, but i do like the last one quite a bit

overall you have really good imagery, and i really like this song. note my crits were just that crits. i feel as though it's not a crit unless i try to help out in some way, but it IS fine the way it is. i do like it. these things could possibly make it better, depending on your opinion, i s'pose.
anywho, crit for crit, please and thank you!
song's title:
taracing my bones