#1
Firing off the ground
Launching into the air
Going a million miles from home
Going into a place unknown

Flying through space
Looking for a parking place
Flying far far away
30 seconds to Mars, two hours to Pluto

Flying through the stars
Flying through the rocks
Its gonna be a bumpy ride
Sit down hold on tight

Flying through space
Looking for a parking place
Flying far far away
30 seconds to Mars, two hours to Pluto

Somewhere outside of Jupiter
A supernova is in progress
Letting off a bright bright light
This is a sight for us all

Flying through space
Looking for a parking place
Flying far far away
30 seconds to Mars, two hours to Pluto

Coming back through the atmosphere
Ready to land on the Earth
We are all back home
Everyone's glad to be back

We were
Flying through space
Looking for a parking place
Flying far far away
30 seconds to Mars, two hours to Pluto


comments please?
#2
Firing off the ground
Launching into the air
Going a million miles from home
Going into a place unknown
ing and ing and ing gets a little annoying, too much of it. try "firing of the ground; launched into the air, a million miles from home into a place (that is) unknown

Flying through space
Looking for a parking place
Flying far far away
30 seconds to Mars, two hours to Pluto
i don't like the 30 seconds to mars reference.

Flying through the stars
Flying through the rocks
Its gonna be a bumpy ride
Sit down hold on tight
try flying through and by instead of through and through. it's gonna to it'll be.

Flying through space
Looking for a parking place
Flying far far away
30 seconds to Mars, two hours to Pluto

Somewhere outside of Jupiter
get rid of of
A supernova is in progress
get rid of is
Letting off a bright bright light
letting to lets
This is a sight for us all
switch the line around to end in sight somehow

Flying through space
Looking for a parking place
Flying far far away
30 seconds to Mars, two hours to Pluto

Coming back through the atmosphere
get rid of the
Ready to land on the Earth
ready to land again on earth
We are all back home
Everyone's glad to be back


We were
Flying through space
Looking for a parking place
Flying far far away
30 seconds to Mars, two hours to Pluto


comments please?
a lack of imagery and unnecessary words.
crit for crit?
taracing my bones.
#3
thanks for the comments ill work on it and find out ways to make it better