#1
One of my personal favorites of mine. The product of being slightly pissy during Physics class. It's about arrogant ass holes, you know the kind. hope you like it.


You’re just so high on your throne
Held up by your own delusions
You’ll stay up there ‘til you’re shown
It’s all one big illusion
A self-built wall of lies
Reinforced by the stupid
Growing up in size
Until it all comes crumbling down…

Down…

Come on down your highness and I'll give you a taste
Of the bull**** you've been stickin' right in everyone’s face
Oh so self righteous but you're just a disgrace
Can't you see it now it's right in front of your face

You’re just so scared to come down
To where we’re all livin’
Rub your eyes look around
Reality you’ve been ignorin’
Come on over here
You dumb mother****er
Your wall is fractured and oh dear
It’s beginning to crumble on down…

Down…

(Instrumental Section)

Come on down your highness and I'll give you a taste
Of the bull**** you've been stickin' right in everyone’s face
Oh so self righteous but you're just a disgrace
Can't you see it now it's right in front of your face

So conceited, so self righteous, such ignorance
(You’re pissin’ everyone off)
So so stupid, I can’t take it, let me help you
(Wipe that smirk off your face)

Come on down your highness and I'll give you a taste
Of the bull**** you've been stickin' right in everyone’s face
Oh so self righteous but you're just a disgrace
Can't you see it now it's right in front of your face
Last edited by Stallion Duck at Dec 5, 2008,
#2
It's a bit cliched and not really presented in an interesting way. Not -bad- but not -great-. Common.

Bash the piece I wrote if you like.
#3
Haha, I was expecting an amazing crit of godly proportions from kunvulshuns.

I should really stop judging people on their join date.

Anyway, he's right. I did enjoy it, but the repeated rhyme in the chorus got on my nerves (AAAA)

You had this fantastic idea of an arrogant person who thinks they're a king etc, but then you ruined it by backing it with angst.
#4
The attitude of the song couldn't really be helped, it was the mood of the moment. I do apreciate the criticism though, this is song is still up for revision.
#5
I can get a sense of how you were feeling when you wrote it so I didn't have much of a problem with the attitude of it. Some of the rhythm of the words seemed a bit off but that could've just been my reading of it. Nice job.
#6
"Reinforced by the stupid
Growing up in size"

I'm confused at what you are trying to say here. Try to reword, because "stupid" isn't affecting a noun. Unless, is it a noun? I can't tell.

And while, unlike ginjaninja, I usually like repeated ryhmes in choruses, this one sounded too forced. Try to write then ryhme, not rhyme then write.

Could you hook me up with a crit?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1016031
#7
Thanks for the criticism guys. On the "Reinforced by the stupid" part i basically meant that their delusions are being helped along by their idiot friends that buy into it. and "Growing up in size" means that the "Wall of lies" is getting bigger and bigger. I don't like the wording of "Growing up in size" but I hasn't found anything to fit there in it's stead.

As for the repeated rhyme is actually didn't come forced, the chorus is the only part I really didn't think about as I wrote it, it just came out naturally.
#9
Thanks for the crits people, I'll end up revising after my bands next gig and post it then.